I truly think that having children helps a person grow ! (And not into a frail creature as the years go by) Finally one day, we see how STRONG a loving parent has always been. It was my mama who was the strength and solid rock of the family. We had very different personalities. But you now what? Each of her children had very different personalities yet each of us, I know thought that they were the favourite. That's how she raised us. We had music and dancing, friends who needed a place to go, staying with us for a while. I look back and I know that it was controlled chaos but it was the BEST way to experience it all. I gave that to my kids. And I know that at times, stuff didn't work out. But I always try to pat myself on the back and say to me, "You did the best you could with what you had." I hope to always do that. Thanks, Deb! You're right on in all that you say !
It’s true Jenni. We have to be far more patient, less self-oriented and strong. The blessing and the gift is that, while we raise them, we get to know our parents a bit better and see that we aren’t handed any type of manual on how to do this job. Nor did they know much of what they were doing. We draw from all we know around us as we grow up and sometimes we don’t bring the best into our families and sometimes we do or a bit of both. It’s life. And all the personalities as you say! I love controlled chaos! We did do the best we could with what we had and I believe my parents did too. Thank you for reading and for your kindness always. ox
Omgoodness you are so spot on! I am exhausted today! A very long week of the grandkids taking all my energy home with them! ha ha! I love it though because I know the day is coming where they will be too busy for us right? ox
Yes. That's what I keep thinking. Nothing is more important right now than being with them, and in doing that, we also help their exhausted parents. We get it!! ~Much love, Deb and many blessings during your own journey.
Thank you Ron. It’s amazing. Good to let go, drop our flesh and watch. Stay calm and keep growing forward. We need to strive to be the salt. They have miles and miles to go. ox
Thank you so much Monica. No, love is always there and we just have to get the word “love” right. It’s a gift to let them go. A gift to them and to us. It’s important to understand that. oxox
So wonderful, Deb, and really reminded me of Khalil Gibran’s “on Children”. Belonging to themselves and not us …except, as you said, possibly the children with special needs (and yes, I do wonder what will become of my special girl when I’m gone; hopefully she can be mostly independent and her siblings will joyfully be her guardians). Thank you for this beautiful essay. ❤️
Thank you Jenn. I will have to read that. They do belong to themselves, to God, not to us. They are on loan and they are beautiful blessings to take care of. I pray your special girl will be loved her whole life and that family will surround her long after you’re gone. It’s so hard to think this way. I spent five days with my best friend, who’s son, 27, will live with her more than likely forever, or however long forever is. She is thinking hard on his future. Most of my friends have special needs kids, but some of my closest friends do not and have all their very able bodied adult children, with grandchildren too, living at home. It’s a stark contrast. My heart aches to see the gift of independence almost stolen from them in the name of love. It’s confusing. We fear giving them this gift, but now I realize it’s important, even if we are forsaken in it all. It is their right to go and live their lives. If able. Once again, I appreciate you so very much. oxox
Thank you ❤️. Your poor friend who has the special son, I can imagine the anguish is stronger as the child and parent grow older. I left home at 18. I can’t imagine trying to keep my kids into adulthood, especially once they’re married. I understand extenuating financial or health circumstances, though. There are always exceptions and gray areas. But in general, I’d agree this stifles the ability of the child to truly become a fully functioning adult. I know you’ve been through pain; but it is a gift you’ve given— the confidence to go out in the world alone and the unconditional love to know deep down that you’ve always got their back ❤️
Yeah, I know it's a very painful to think about. I so admire my friend's devotion and patience. Navigating the road ahead is a hard one.
There are exceptions and gray areas because sometimes they are down on their luck or need to save to get out. We've been there. Of course, we love our families and want to be there for them, have their back -- but for sure find the balance and not let it be indefinite when they are able to go fly. ox
I don’t know, but that is wonderful that you never struggled through the transition with your parents. You are right, God does have a plan for you, for us, and he knows the paths that he’s laid out for us to walk. And I can always feel the love in your words and writing.
It’s our thoughts, after they left home, that got in the way. Not many. But more the subtleness of what we stood for. They had to figure that out for themselves. Now, they are coming back. God is good.
Yes, your unconditional love and patience and ability to view them as separate from you gave them the space and courage to figure it and return…it is the super power of a good parent, I think. So kudos to you ❤️
The nest might be closed, but the heart never is! Beautiful Deb, and so so true. Nobody ever teaches us how to be a parent. It’s been one hell of a ride and full of everything. Growth never sleeps. Bless you 🙏❤️
Thank you so much Jamie. I need to catchup with your writing. And, no we come very ill-equipped at parenting, even when we think we are equipped. It’s definitely one hell of a ride and now they are in the car and it’s miles and miles ahead. We have put in so many miles, yet still we grow and drive a bit slower. Bless you too. ox
It gives a parent a sense of pride when their offspring shows the confidence to step out in the world leaving the cozy confines of a place to call home.
"I have no mastery over anything, except for what God has given me to do with my life." And finding what He's given you to do is the hard part. Certainly raise your kids by Godly example, but think of how wonderful your writings and photography are for your kids and grandkids! You'll leave a written and visual reminder behind when God calls you home!
Thank you Bob for reading, and for your wisdom. I hope one day those things will be a blessing to them. Our job is to keep living a beautiful purpose! I know you certainly do ✨🙌🏻
No words ♥️♥️♥️
I truly think that having children helps a person grow ! (And not into a frail creature as the years go by) Finally one day, we see how STRONG a loving parent has always been. It was my mama who was the strength and solid rock of the family. We had very different personalities. But you now what? Each of her children had very different personalities yet each of us, I know thought that they were the favourite. That's how she raised us. We had music and dancing, friends who needed a place to go, staying with us for a while. I look back and I know that it was controlled chaos but it was the BEST way to experience it all. I gave that to my kids. And I know that at times, stuff didn't work out. But I always try to pat myself on the back and say to me, "You did the best you could with what you had." I hope to always do that. Thanks, Deb! You're right on in all that you say !
It’s true Jenni. We have to be far more patient, less self-oriented and strong. The blessing and the gift is that, while we raise them, we get to know our parents a bit better and see that we aren’t handed any type of manual on how to do this job. Nor did they know much of what they were doing. We draw from all we know around us as we grow up and sometimes we don’t bring the best into our families and sometimes we do or a bit of both. It’s life. And all the personalities as you say! I love controlled chaos! We did do the best we could with what we had and I believe my parents did too. Thank you for reading and for your kindness always. ox
It's exhausting being a good parent, and then a good grandparent; one day is enough. And then repeat :)
Omgoodness you are so spot on! I am exhausted today! A very long week of the grandkids taking all my energy home with them! ha ha! I love it though because I know the day is coming where they will be too busy for us right? ox
Yes. That's what I keep thinking. Nothing is more important right now than being with them, and in doing that, we also help their exhausted parents. We get it!! ~Much love, Deb and many blessings during your own journey.
It's an amazing show to watch. Beautifully written, Deb.
Thank you Ron. It’s amazing. Good to let go, drop our flesh and watch. Stay calm and keep growing forward. We need to strive to be the salt. They have miles and miles to go. ox
So beautifully put Deb. The heart is never closed, and
sometimes you have to reopen the door to give them solace. Love never fails.
Thank you so much Monica. No, love is always there and we just have to get the word “love” right. It’s a gift to let them go. A gift to them and to us. It’s important to understand that. oxox
So wonderful, Deb, and really reminded me of Khalil Gibran’s “on Children”. Belonging to themselves and not us …except, as you said, possibly the children with special needs (and yes, I do wonder what will become of my special girl when I’m gone; hopefully she can be mostly independent and her siblings will joyfully be her guardians). Thank you for this beautiful essay. ❤️
Thank you Jenn. I will have to read that. They do belong to themselves, to God, not to us. They are on loan and they are beautiful blessings to take care of. I pray your special girl will be loved her whole life and that family will surround her long after you’re gone. It’s so hard to think this way. I spent five days with my best friend, who’s son, 27, will live with her more than likely forever, or however long forever is. She is thinking hard on his future. Most of my friends have special needs kids, but some of my closest friends do not and have all their very able bodied adult children, with grandchildren too, living at home. It’s a stark contrast. My heart aches to see the gift of independence almost stolen from them in the name of love. It’s confusing. We fear giving them this gift, but now I realize it’s important, even if we are forsaken in it all. It is their right to go and live their lives. If able. Once again, I appreciate you so very much. oxox
Thank you ❤️. Your poor friend who has the special son, I can imagine the anguish is stronger as the child and parent grow older. I left home at 18. I can’t imagine trying to keep my kids into adulthood, especially once they’re married. I understand extenuating financial or health circumstances, though. There are always exceptions and gray areas. But in general, I’d agree this stifles the ability of the child to truly become a fully functioning adult. I know you’ve been through pain; but it is a gift you’ve given— the confidence to go out in the world alone and the unconditional love to know deep down that you’ve always got their back ❤️
Perfectly put; I totally agree ❤️
Yeah, I know it's a very painful to think about. I so admire my friend's devotion and patience. Navigating the road ahead is a hard one.
There are exceptions and gray areas because sometimes they are down on their luck or need to save to get out. We've been there. Of course, we love our families and want to be there for them, have their back -- but for sure find the balance and not let it be indefinite when they are able to go fly. ox
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.
I don’t know, but that is wonderful that you never struggled through the transition with your parents. You are right, God does have a plan for you, for us, and he knows the paths that he’s laid out for us to walk. And I can always feel the love in your words and writing.
Thank you for this Jenn ❤️
❤️
How beautiful. I do believe I have seen this many years ago. Thank you so much for posting this Jenn. I am putting it in my writing log. oxox
Life’s longing for itself …. It is beautiful language…. You may give your love but not your thoughts… 🥲
It’s our thoughts, after they left home, that got in the way. Not many. But more the subtleness of what we stood for. They had to figure that out for themselves. Now, they are coming back. God is good.
Yes, your unconditional love and patience and ability to view them as separate from you gave them the space and courage to figure it and return…it is the super power of a good parent, I think. So kudos to you ❤️
It is in mine, too ☺️❤️.
I really appreciate it. I had a very rare “rant note” this morning. My heart is hurting for some of my Jewish friends. oxox
Oh no, Deb. I will keep your friends and you in my prayers; I’ll look for your note.
The nest might be closed, but the heart never is! Beautiful Deb, and so so true. Nobody ever teaches us how to be a parent. It’s been one hell of a ride and full of everything. Growth never sleeps. Bless you 🙏❤️
Thank you so much Jamie. I need to catchup with your writing. And, no we come very ill-equipped at parenting, even when we think we are equipped. It’s definitely one hell of a ride and now they are in the car and it’s miles and miles ahead. We have put in so many miles, yet still we grow and drive a bit slower. Bless you too. ox
It gives a parent a sense of pride when their offspring shows the confidence to step out in the world leaving the cozy confines of a place to call home.
It does and they have so much living to do. Prayer is everything mom. Thank you for always praying over us. I love you. ox
"I have no mastery over anything, except for what God has given me to do with my life." And finding what He's given you to do is the hard part. Certainly raise your kids by Godly example, but think of how wonderful your writings and photography are for your kids and grandkids! You'll leave a written and visual reminder behind when God calls you home!
Thank you Bob for reading, and for your wisdom. I hope one day those things will be a blessing to them. Our job is to keep living a beautiful purpose! I know you certainly do ✨🙌🏻