We must be on the same wavelength this past week Deborah! I read your comment on my post In A Cocoon’s Embrace and I thought I’d read this first before responding to you! I don’t know how I missed this one a few days ago, but my last week or two has been extremely busy.
You expresse so well the challenges immigrants face when moving to a new country and culture. I remember being traumatized just moving away from the Central Coast to the the Central Valley here in the 1st grade. Adjustment can be tough even for the simplest changes, so I can’t imagine moving away from your entire family in Europe and coming here to the states and leaving them behind.
A big hug to you and gratitude for sharing your experience and being so gracious as to counsel others like myself who’ve encountered our own loss. Your message truly resonates with me. I’m profoundly moved by how serendipitously we wrote about a subject difficult to talk about. In fact, I’ve never discussed my experience until now! It’s the first time since that incident I’ve opened up, and then I find your writing here and I feel a divine hand. A conformation from God I’m supposed to talk about this now! Sending you much magical love! God Bless you! ✨💖✨🙏🤗
Thank you Charlotte for sending this to me on your recent "Cocoon" story as well. I answered there and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your courage to share what happened in such vivid and raw detail. I read it to my husband last night and he was amazed and said you are a very good writer. It's amazing when you are so connected to a story how the words just flow. Every detail is so sharp. We forgive, but we never forget. I know you are impacting others. Our remnants can make or break us and I'm glad you got quiet, like I did, and came out the other side. Much love and blessings to you always. oxox. deb
Deborah, profound blessings to you in this overwhelming writing piece, you write beautifully! It seems the whole world is awash in agony...and we know the only One Who can ease that pain is God and His Son. Sorrow has followed me as well, since my youth. God chased after me for 35 years as a Prodigal and finally I came Home. God's healing presence for you, 24/7 and as we all labor in God's vineyard, may we be strenghthened by His immense love and strengthen one another, just as you did for me a couple of days ago. We have all become family. Humbly, Wendy
.."as we all labor in God's vineyard, may we be strengthened by His immense love and strengthen one another" - Wendy, when two or more gather in His name. I am sending you so much love. For everything. Especially for the remnants. They come and go like the sea bringing us the rocks and washing them back out. I am glad you are here. love, deb. oxox
Oh I completely hear you. I can read between all the lines :(. The pain comes in so many forms. I understand it. I have a lifetime of it and walk with many who are experiencing this in intact families, broken families, blended families. Breaking everyone apart is absolutely Satan's work against a God who loves family. So many "elephants in the room." Sending you my love. I need to check in with you! oxox
I agree-“For every living person there is a remnant of something left behind that we carry, whether conscious or subconscious.” I once read that when people die their souls don’t dissipate but attach to all those thing they’ve Left behind in the world. Wonderful piece!
Bethel, I love this. I can feel that. Thank you so much for reading. I realize why I began this Substack and I need to address this journey more, with honesty. I need to address a huge worldwide sadness and tell people they are not alone. Sending you much love. ox
You are a wonderful writer, and again you touched me deeply with this. Know that across platforms, across generatons, across countries - you have a friend in me! If you ever come to Europe I would be happy to have you in my home. Sending you lots of love.
Victoria! Oh my you made my heart so happy to read this. I read your comment to my husband and he smiled at me and said, "wow, what a beautiful person." He knows I am very blessed to be here. The same goes to you! If you're ever in Southern California, we have worked our tails off to create a cool space taking you right back to the mid century. I'll serve you tea in the garden! With all the pain that came to us in 2020 my sweet husband didn't know what to do but to keep working and while I couldn't get up for months he was building me a sanctuary out back. The garden is where all this pain began in history right? It changed the world. But if we can get back to the garden and breathe, begin again, daily - we can appreciate God's intent and design for us. That's to love each other with our whole heart. Sending you so much love and so happy you are here. Thank you for reading this. oxox
Love right back at you Julie! You inspire me! I've wanted to go home to England for years now and I finally told my husband, "I can go alone!" Why not? That's because of you! He looked at me? "what?" "well I'd like to go with you?" He's so busy thinking we can never afford it that he keeps carrying on. I think I stunned him out of that! lol. ox
I would give anything to have our daughter and grandkids in our life. But it doesn't look like it will happen while I'm here. The cancer I likely acquired working in power plants to provide a good life for her will end mine before that happens. Maybe that's what it will cost for my wife to be a part of their lives again.
It is so hard for me to like this. My God, I am so very sorry for your cancer diagnosis. Can you tell me your name? I'd like to pray for you and for your family. I have a long list. You are not alone. We weren't able to see our granddaughters for 2.5 years and it broke me. It broke me in ways that are so hard to explain, hence this post. I came out the other side to see our son walk back into our life at a birthday party Oct.'22. It's all been slow. We love him so much. We don't know what happened but then, we do. We experienced it in our young marriage. "New people come into our children's lives" and things can change drastically. Or? you might have worked your entire life, like my husband, getting dirty, breathing in toxins, fulfilling your kid's dreams, only to see them despise you for your opinions about life, your faith? your politics? Maybe you were strong minded - This is where many of us have landed. I pray you have a second chance together, without words. Just to be present. This is what we have. We have what I call "God's glimpses." He peels back the curtain and we take in the beauty. It almost killed me but I shed myself from it, improved whatever I could, worked at being better, was completely found by God and surrendered. Our kid's lives are not ours. They have much to learn. I gave it all over. Never did we take any kind of ownership of our kids to begin with. We raised strong independent kids who were 100% entitled to their own opinions and free lives. What did we expect in return? to be appreciated for ours. Our faith, our opinions, our free lives. I highly recommend ordering and reading Sheri McGregor's book, "Done With the Crying." She has basically sacrificed everything, even the possibility of ever seeing her son again, to be with so many of us. Not abusive or addicted parents. But normal loving parents. We are part of millions who have been canceled and casually dumped. We might have given them too much. I can see this on her forum. I no longer go to it - but she also has a forum where you will be with many. Many who are also not doing well with their health. I am sending you my love and respect for all your hard work. God keep you and God Bless you and your family. oxox
Mrs Hewitt let me start by thanking you for your kind and encouraging words. Hearing from someone who's been there and came through the other side gives me hope. Our daughter had different views than us and we wrote it off as just a normal thing that most of us go through with our parents. It started to change and go off the rails when she began dating her husband. Even her physical appearance changed, not just superficial aspects but it's like her bone structure changed as well. She became someone we no longer knew, letting political beliefs drive a wedge between us and it really picked up with the covid plandemic. They moved to the other side of the country about a year ago and we're praying that we can be a family again. It's in God's hands. I'm including the link to my give send go fundraising page if you would like to take a look, or should you be called to donate or share it will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless you.
Dear Joe and Kristin, I am so sorry you have been through so much. I know there is hope for your daughter. It's best to give her to God and let Him continue to work with her story. It can become a beautiful one. I looked at your story on your fundraising page and I pray you can raise the money you need. I don't think I can post it here on Substack Notes but I will check with rules. Have you raised anything? I have put you on my prayer list. I am praying for miracles, for peace in this process and for God to intervene with a medical miracle. My husband has been an industrial electrician for 40 years. I want to thank you also for your service Joe. I pray the plans God has for you, for all of us parents who feel their families have been torn apart, is for us to gather at His table in heaven someday, together, happy, and free from the world and all it's problems. Sending my love to you both. ox
This is a lovely response to Jaime’s piece today. I pray the family estrangement heals; and you are right, there is a great deal of humbling and tip toeing involved, which sounds exhausting. A hug to you, thank you for pouring your heart out, I hope writing it out helps ease the burden ❤️
Thank you Jenn. It really hit me and I was already working on this! God is so good. This journey belongs to many in so many forms and it is very exhausting to our hearts. A battle with the Devil literally. Daily practice of just being and keeping going, praying and thanking God for all He has done. If we get out of the way of ourselves, He can totally write our story and it can be beautiful, if you trust Him to take it. It might look different or not what you expect, but then you know this in your own family. He writes our story. He writes it and we are grateful for it. It is a beautiful mess and I am learning to love that while finding myself in it all. Sending you so much love. ox
Being, continuing, praying, and thanking. That is wonderful advice. It is a beautiful mess. I pray your family heals the wounds and finds love and forgiveness in the madness. Sending love right back to you!
Hi Deb. This one touched a nerve for sure. I have always wanted a bigger, closer family. I lost my parents and have longed for that for 36 years. My heart aches for all that never was. Now, there is no one physically close anymore. I feel alone so much of the time , even with my wonderful husband. I remember spending time with my best friend and her family was a blend of so many and I loved it. My home felt lonely. My dad was an alcoholic and there was always tension. Ironic because I still miss and regret I didn’t have a relationship with them in my adulthood. I guess we are always longing for connection.
Thank you for this piece , even as it brings up painful feelings. ❤️
Oh friend, we need to get together. John and I are both feeling this for you. All the leaving. It's so hard. We are in a world of this. I understand the feeling of being alone "with people." My photography work filled that hole for a long time, but then I was always looking in from the outside. Nothing is as it seems. The struggles of leaving, immigration, abandonment, estrangement, trauma which can lead to this, etc., it's in every family. If we believe that this is what Satan's war with God is all about then we can see it very clearly. The best thing to do is battle back. Love harder. Accept those "glimpses" of family. It's hard not to feel the loss as you just received so much beauty in your life as of late. It's laced all over your pictures with those littles. It's hard "not" to guard your heart. I guard mine a lot. I read your comment to John and said to him (something I've never thought about) - "what do you think my Granddad (dad's dad who was a widow til he died) and all the family were thinking when dad announced we were leaving the country?" What were they thinking? I know there were many tears. But it wasn't their life. Probably, "good luck!" Crazy. What did it leave them with? for their whole life too. So common. It's rare for a family to stick together and live close to each other. Travel together, move together. Strangely we have experienced the fall of our family over my last those previous two sentences.... Letting God write our story is the best choice and go on living. Sending you so much love Stephanie. oxox
Deborah, what you’ve written in this post about your individual experience feels authentic and universal. Thanks for putting all this into words and sharing it here.
Thank you so much Andrew for your thoughtful comment here and for reading this. This is a universal pain that comes in so many forms. We all carry remnants. I guess it's being aware of them and working it over to God. Giving it away, trusting our story is being written, while we live or discover our purpose. I find gratitude as amazing medicine. Also, this space here has been a real blessing. I'm so glad you are here. Sending you much love. ox
Thank you Deb for being you. Your writing is brave and vulnerable and I pray for you to know both as healing and a path to being. Family and a sense of that belonging is always the biggest hurdle it seems. Do we carry our grief forever or can we let it go? To know the pain as our witness and still walk into the fire. To learn to be present and know it as our truth. Thank you for the shout out today. You inspire me to keep writing and for me just to know it as breath. Bless you Deb. Big hugs. 💗
Thank you Jamie. You really blessed me with the continuation of my story. This is the beauty of being here. I am so glad you are here. I have learned to trust God to be myself and be vulnerable. I hope to affect one person into knowing how loved they are. How they are not alone on this life walk. "To know the pain as our witness and still walk into the fire" is one of the best ways to explain this. Just beautiful friend. You have most definitely inspired me. Let's keep going at this. Breath it all in and write it all out. Bless you as well. Sending my love. oxox
As I said in response to the wonderful and profound post by@Jamie Millard, I write to recover something lost and very precious, a memory of a self, a true self, a self from long ago that tried this and that path.
The recovery of memory hopefully leads to healing and renewal of self. I just completed a long personal essay, which will post tomorrow on this very subject. The long ago past.
There must be a reason why so many of us are thinking about and working through the very same thing. Our pasts. Your beautiful and honest essay also touches on this very theme.
I am looking forward to your piece and I must catch up with you more and your beautiful writings. I think you're right when you say, "the recovery of memory hopefully leads to healing and renewal of self." and of purpose.
We are meant for a beautiful purpose in this one life. Probably the best purpose (totally unforeseen and not our ideal to begin with?) is to rise through the pain and help others know that they are not alone. God's design for us is to find our path, our creativity, uniqueness, our skills and talents and through it all to find community with broken people just like us. It's about love. It's about joy. This is truly what we came for. You're right that so many of us here are writing our way through these things.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, for your wisdom and support. Sending you a lot of love. ox
We must be on the same wavelength this past week Deborah! I read your comment on my post In A Cocoon’s Embrace and I thought I’d read this first before responding to you! I don’t know how I missed this one a few days ago, but my last week or two has been extremely busy.
You expresse so well the challenges immigrants face when moving to a new country and culture. I remember being traumatized just moving away from the Central Coast to the the Central Valley here in the 1st grade. Adjustment can be tough even for the simplest changes, so I can’t imagine moving away from your entire family in Europe and coming here to the states and leaving them behind.
A big hug to you and gratitude for sharing your experience and being so gracious as to counsel others like myself who’ve encountered our own loss. Your message truly resonates with me. I’m profoundly moved by how serendipitously we wrote about a subject difficult to talk about. In fact, I’ve never discussed my experience until now! It’s the first time since that incident I’ve opened up, and then I find your writing here and I feel a divine hand. A conformation from God I’m supposed to talk about this now! Sending you much magical love! God Bless you! ✨💖✨🙏🤗
Thank you Charlotte for sending this to me on your recent "Cocoon" story as well. I answered there and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your courage to share what happened in such vivid and raw detail. I read it to my husband last night and he was amazed and said you are a very good writer. It's amazing when you are so connected to a story how the words just flow. Every detail is so sharp. We forgive, but we never forget. I know you are impacting others. Our remnants can make or break us and I'm glad you got quiet, like I did, and came out the other side. Much love and blessings to you always. oxox. deb
Deborah, profound blessings to you in this overwhelming writing piece, you write beautifully! It seems the whole world is awash in agony...and we know the only One Who can ease that pain is God and His Son. Sorrow has followed me as well, since my youth. God chased after me for 35 years as a Prodigal and finally I came Home. God's healing presence for you, 24/7 and as we all labor in God's vineyard, may we be strenghthened by His immense love and strengthen one another, just as you did for me a couple of days ago. We have all become family. Humbly, Wendy
.."as we all labor in God's vineyard, may we be strengthened by His immense love and strengthen one another" - Wendy, when two or more gather in His name. I am sending you so much love. For everything. Especially for the remnants. They come and go like the sea bringing us the rocks and washing them back out. I am glad you are here. love, deb. oxox
Likewise, dear Deborah! Onward, one single day at a time, casting all on His mighty shoulders. Love, WEW
Sometimes, even families who stay together reject each other too. It's painful, just the same. Love and light to you. ♥️
Oh I completely hear you. I can read between all the lines :(. The pain comes in so many forms. I understand it. I have a lifetime of it and walk with many who are experiencing this in intact families, broken families, blended families. Breaking everyone apart is absolutely Satan's work against a God who loves family. So many "elephants in the room." Sending you my love. I need to check in with you! oxox
I agree-“For every living person there is a remnant of something left behind that we carry, whether conscious or subconscious.” I once read that when people die their souls don’t dissipate but attach to all those thing they’ve Left behind in the world. Wonderful piece!
Bethel, I love this. I can feel that. Thank you so much for reading. I realize why I began this Substack and I need to address this journey more, with honesty. I need to address a huge worldwide sadness and tell people they are not alone. Sending you much love. ox
<3
You are a wonderful writer, and again you touched me deeply with this. Know that across platforms, across generatons, across countries - you have a friend in me! If you ever come to Europe I would be happy to have you in my home. Sending you lots of love.
Victoria! Oh my you made my heart so happy to read this. I read your comment to my husband and he smiled at me and said, "wow, what a beautiful person." He knows I am very blessed to be here. The same goes to you! If you're ever in Southern California, we have worked our tails off to create a cool space taking you right back to the mid century. I'll serve you tea in the garden! With all the pain that came to us in 2020 my sweet husband didn't know what to do but to keep working and while I couldn't get up for months he was building me a sanctuary out back. The garden is where all this pain began in history right? It changed the world. But if we can get back to the garden and breathe, begin again, daily - we can appreciate God's intent and design for us. That's to love each other with our whole heart. Sending you so much love and so happy you are here. Thank you for reading this. oxox
Love to you xx
Love right back at you Julie! You inspire me! I've wanted to go home to England for years now and I finally told my husband, "I can go alone!" Why not? That's because of you! He looked at me? "what?" "well I'd like to go with you?" He's so busy thinking we can never afford it that he keeps carrying on. I think I stunned him out of that! lol. ox
Oh that’s just wonderful to hear x
Yes you can and you will xx
Love to you ❤️
I would give anything to have our daughter and grandkids in our life. But it doesn't look like it will happen while I'm here. The cancer I likely acquired working in power plants to provide a good life for her will end mine before that happens. Maybe that's what it will cost for my wife to be a part of their lives again.
It is so hard for me to like this. My God, I am so very sorry for your cancer diagnosis. Can you tell me your name? I'd like to pray for you and for your family. I have a long list. You are not alone. We weren't able to see our granddaughters for 2.5 years and it broke me. It broke me in ways that are so hard to explain, hence this post. I came out the other side to see our son walk back into our life at a birthday party Oct.'22. It's all been slow. We love him so much. We don't know what happened but then, we do. We experienced it in our young marriage. "New people come into our children's lives" and things can change drastically. Or? you might have worked your entire life, like my husband, getting dirty, breathing in toxins, fulfilling your kid's dreams, only to see them despise you for your opinions about life, your faith? your politics? Maybe you were strong minded - This is where many of us have landed. I pray you have a second chance together, without words. Just to be present. This is what we have. We have what I call "God's glimpses." He peels back the curtain and we take in the beauty. It almost killed me but I shed myself from it, improved whatever I could, worked at being better, was completely found by God and surrendered. Our kid's lives are not ours. They have much to learn. I gave it all over. Never did we take any kind of ownership of our kids to begin with. We raised strong independent kids who were 100% entitled to their own opinions and free lives. What did we expect in return? to be appreciated for ours. Our faith, our opinions, our free lives. I highly recommend ordering and reading Sheri McGregor's book, "Done With the Crying." She has basically sacrificed everything, even the possibility of ever seeing her son again, to be with so many of us. Not abusive or addicted parents. But normal loving parents. We are part of millions who have been canceled and casually dumped. We might have given them too much. I can see this on her forum. I no longer go to it - but she also has a forum where you will be with many. Many who are also not doing well with their health. I am sending you my love and respect for all your hard work. God keep you and God Bless you and your family. oxox
Mrs Hewitt let me start by thanking you for your kind and encouraging words. Hearing from someone who's been there and came through the other side gives me hope. Our daughter had different views than us and we wrote it off as just a normal thing that most of us go through with our parents. It started to change and go off the rails when she began dating her husband. Even her physical appearance changed, not just superficial aspects but it's like her bone structure changed as well. She became someone we no longer knew, letting political beliefs drive a wedge between us and it really picked up with the covid plandemic. They moved to the other side of the country about a year ago and we're praying that we can be a family again. It's in God's hands. I'm including the link to my give send go fundraising page if you would like to take a look, or should you be called to donate or share it will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless you.
https://www.givesendgo.com/GBJXS
Dear Joe and Kristin, I am so sorry you have been through so much. I know there is hope for your daughter. It's best to give her to God and let Him continue to work with her story. It can become a beautiful one. I looked at your story on your fundraising page and I pray you can raise the money you need. I don't think I can post it here on Substack Notes but I will check with rules. Have you raised anything? I have put you on my prayer list. I am praying for miracles, for peace in this process and for God to intervene with a medical miracle. My husband has been an industrial electrician for 40 years. I want to thank you also for your service Joe. I pray the plans God has for you, for all of us parents who feel their families have been torn apart, is for us to gather at His table in heaven someday, together, happy, and free from the world and all it's problems. Sending my love to you both. ox
🙏Hiraeth🙏
yes. Hiraeth. I long. You get it Elliot. Sending you a big hug. ox
This is a lovely response to Jaime’s piece today. I pray the family estrangement heals; and you are right, there is a great deal of humbling and tip toeing involved, which sounds exhausting. A hug to you, thank you for pouring your heart out, I hope writing it out helps ease the burden ❤️
Thank you Jenn. It really hit me and I was already working on this! God is so good. This journey belongs to many in so many forms and it is very exhausting to our hearts. A battle with the Devil literally. Daily practice of just being and keeping going, praying and thanking God for all He has done. If we get out of the way of ourselves, He can totally write our story and it can be beautiful, if you trust Him to take it. It might look different or not what you expect, but then you know this in your own family. He writes our story. He writes it and we are grateful for it. It is a beautiful mess and I am learning to love that while finding myself in it all. Sending you so much love. ox
Being, continuing, praying, and thanking. That is wonderful advice. It is a beautiful mess. I pray your family heals the wounds and finds love and forgiveness in the madness. Sending love right back to you!
Hi Deb. This one touched a nerve for sure. I have always wanted a bigger, closer family. I lost my parents and have longed for that for 36 years. My heart aches for all that never was. Now, there is no one physically close anymore. I feel alone so much of the time , even with my wonderful husband. I remember spending time with my best friend and her family was a blend of so many and I loved it. My home felt lonely. My dad was an alcoholic and there was always tension. Ironic because I still miss and regret I didn’t have a relationship with them in my adulthood. I guess we are always longing for connection.
Thank you for this piece , even as it brings up painful feelings. ❤️
Oh friend, we need to get together. John and I are both feeling this for you. All the leaving. It's so hard. We are in a world of this. I understand the feeling of being alone "with people." My photography work filled that hole for a long time, but then I was always looking in from the outside. Nothing is as it seems. The struggles of leaving, immigration, abandonment, estrangement, trauma which can lead to this, etc., it's in every family. If we believe that this is what Satan's war with God is all about then we can see it very clearly. The best thing to do is battle back. Love harder. Accept those "glimpses" of family. It's hard not to feel the loss as you just received so much beauty in your life as of late. It's laced all over your pictures with those littles. It's hard "not" to guard your heart. I guard mine a lot. I read your comment to John and said to him (something I've never thought about) - "what do you think my Granddad (dad's dad who was a widow til he died) and all the family were thinking when dad announced we were leaving the country?" What were they thinking? I know there were many tears. But it wasn't their life. Probably, "good luck!" Crazy. What did it leave them with? for their whole life too. So common. It's rare for a family to stick together and live close to each other. Travel together, move together. Strangely we have experienced the fall of our family over my last those previous two sentences.... Letting God write our story is the best choice and go on living. Sending you so much love Stephanie. oxox
❤️
Sending you much love back Doug. ox
Deborah, what you’ve written in this post about your individual experience feels authentic and universal. Thanks for putting all this into words and sharing it here.
Thank you so much Andrew for your thoughtful comment here and for reading this. This is a universal pain that comes in so many forms. We all carry remnants. I guess it's being aware of them and working it over to God. Giving it away, trusting our story is being written, while we live or discover our purpose. I find gratitude as amazing medicine. Also, this space here has been a real blessing. I'm so glad you are here. Sending you much love. ox
Thank you Deb for being you. Your writing is brave and vulnerable and I pray for you to know both as healing and a path to being. Family and a sense of that belonging is always the biggest hurdle it seems. Do we carry our grief forever or can we let it go? To know the pain as our witness and still walk into the fire. To learn to be present and know it as our truth. Thank you for the shout out today. You inspire me to keep writing and for me just to know it as breath. Bless you Deb. Big hugs. 💗
Thank you Jamie. You really blessed me with the continuation of my story. This is the beauty of being here. I am so glad you are here. I have learned to trust God to be myself and be vulnerable. I hope to affect one person into knowing how loved they are. How they are not alone on this life walk. "To know the pain as our witness and still walk into the fire" is one of the best ways to explain this. Just beautiful friend. You have most definitely inspired me. Let's keep going at this. Breath it all in and write it all out. Bless you as well. Sending my love. oxox
As I said in response to the wonderful and profound post by@Jamie Millard, I write to recover something lost and very precious, a memory of a self, a true self, a self from long ago that tried this and that path.
The recovery of memory hopefully leads to healing and renewal of self. I just completed a long personal essay, which will post tomorrow on this very subject. The long ago past.
There must be a reason why so many of us are thinking about and working through the very same thing. Our pasts. Your beautiful and honest essay also touches on this very theme.
Perry!
I am looking forward to your piece and I must catch up with you more and your beautiful writings. I think you're right when you say, "the recovery of memory hopefully leads to healing and renewal of self." and of purpose.
We are meant for a beautiful purpose in this one life. Probably the best purpose (totally unforeseen and not our ideal to begin with?) is to rise through the pain and help others know that they are not alone. God's design for us is to find our path, our creativity, uniqueness, our skills and talents and through it all to find community with broken people just like us. It's about love. It's about joy. This is truly what we came for. You're right that so many of us here are writing our way through these things.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, for your wisdom and support. Sending you a lot of love. ox
I posted the piece today; it is very personal. Thank you.