Deborah I love this. Here’s to all the lonely people, the dreamers, the waifs, the misfits and wanderers, the hermits, the unique souls who make our world shine a little brighter. 💫
Traumatic of events profoundly effects everyone . Do you have to work hard to respond to them in a way which builds your strength and love. My mother was a lot like your mom Aunt Susan. In two short years she lost her first husband to a tragic engineering accident in Montana. Then just a short a few years later my older brother Keith was hit by a car when he was two years old. He suffered brain damage and it changed the trajectory of his life.
She remarried soon after the event and had me about a year later. I know I carry a lot of her stress and feel her feelings. She wasn’t mean or anything like your neighbor, but she was socially isolated for the most part and only a few times a year communicated with my aunts and uncles.
My father literally kept her going. When I suffered my own trauma, I knew what not to do and what to do. What to do it’s very hard when you’re in a slump. But you have to pull yourself up and out. Randy has been a big asset during my recovery.
Extraordinary peace this week Deborah! And Peter Gunn? Is that your Grandad’s real name?
Thank you again, you touched my heart today, but you always do. 💓💗💓
Dear Charlotte, it's almost surreal to hear what your poor mom went through, and like Perry said, it's often trauma that develops the recluse, anti-social, sad, complicated state that many poor souls get themselves into. I can't imagine what you carry inside of you. I know you also lost brother too. Bless your dad and bless you for seeing so clearly that you couldn't go down with your own trauma. I think when we are witness or we are knowing of these beautiful lost souls in our lives then we can choose to work at climbing out. Having strong partners helps. I have one and without him I don't know what I'd do at times. He leaves no excuses and has suffered great loss himself.
So my Granddad was Albert Matthew Alan Gunn and I wrote about him and the Gunns in an early piece called The Wheat and the Bird. I adored him. He had two children, my dad and my Aunt Susan (ten years apart, dad being the oldest). So my maiden name was Gunn :). A good one to travel through school with! ha ha! Got called Gunnr all the time! And, Granddad's twin sisters married so Peter had a different last name. Thank you so much for reading this and leaving me your heart here. You are truly a treasure Charlotte. God knows exactly who we need and I'm so glad He's all over Substack! Love you! oxox
Thank you so much for reading this and leaving me such a raw, honest comment.
I randomly said out loud to no one yesterday ( but Rich heard me ) " I must be from another planet". He agreed. I say this quite frequently actually. I don't understand the cruelty of this world. I'm easily thrown off by it. I love too fiercely, feel too deeply. I don't understand myself, but stand fully in the knowledge that God made me who I am. No matter how much I feel apart on the outside , I am not. Eleanor and I would have made great friends - LOVED this xo
My dearest friend, you couldn't have described me better! lol. But it's true. I was just saying this to John too. I can get so frustrated. We are. God knows it. The end.
There are so many Eleanors and sometimes I feel like her too.
Thank you for this my amazing friend. Wish I could hug you.
OMG HOLY smokes Deb, are you high on something? This is amazing and every single post of yours is more profound. Please I can't even start on the poem, HIGH resonance. OXOX
Okay, you just made my life. And I'm always high. On music (ha ha).
Just give me a tune and I dive down the rabbit hole and don't come up for a breath until I'm done. I have no idea what happens at times. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel so humbled and blessed to have you as a great friend and fellow writer here Kristin.
My Monday with Violet was fun! Except she fell (skinned her knee while we were playing hopscotch, after chalking it on the sidewalk) and well, Nurse Deb decided ice-cream at 10 a.m. was a good thing. Did I do good? <insert crying face>. Love you. ox
Ha! I literally fired this comment off without a thought actually, so I'm glad I made your already amazing life more life-y!!
I am all for ice cream for breakfast when warranted and it sounds like it was warranted. I also love second breakfast and brunch and breakfast for dinner, so might as well have ice cream for all 3 meals. Of course this is my humble opinion.
ha ha! I love it! and I knew you’d agree with ice-cream or anything that feels good when life takes a turn for the boo boo :( Love you and hope you’re doing okay too and treating yourself to something yummy! oxox
I love the memories this stirred up of my in-laws in the UK. I loved Peter the best because he always helped me in the kitchen while the others were arguing politics. Twin Aunties Vi & Ivy were on completely different sides. When all the shouting died down, Ivy would thump on the piano keys while we all had a sing song.
Mom, I will never forget you talking about that story and just the good times in Dunmow. It all sounded like a movie! I will always find it so sad that Susan and Peter died so lonely :( Love you mama. oxox
The verse was touching Deborah and I found myself smiling at some of the other things like the artex.
Nostalgia is bittersweet isn’t it? Even more so for those you don’t know or hardly know. They become sort of legends, like characters in books. Keep documenting, keep enchanting xx
We were fascinated with artexing to the point we found a British guy who did it in SoCal! At the time there was a recession and he was out of work because it was such a special thing, like a luxury. He gave us a really good price and did two ceilings in our home. For over ten years they were conversation pieces! I photographed his process for his website. It was unreal! Hard to give up when we moved.
I sure loved all the stories and getting to hang out with my family a few times when I was older. It always brings me tears when I think of how lonely and struggling a few of them were. ox
Bless I can imagine. I had an elderly great aunt who was lonely too. Died (well was murdered) a spinster, always convinced her married lover of many years would leave his wife for her. 💔
This is an excellent piece, filled with pathos, Deborah. And, yes, deepfelt pain.
It is my feeling and long-term observation that people do not start out with intentions to socially isolate, but something happens, usually some trauma, a feeling of being an outsider, of being different. Of being ostracized, judged, misunderstood. Of not willing to fight or argue. I can understand and I empathize. Another excellent song is by Roy Orbison, "Only the Lonely."
Thank you so much for reading this and for your heartfelt comment. I always have some tears when I think of the lonely, especially in my family. I think you're absolutely right about trauma, or not fitting in, etc. They both experienced this in a very deep and impacting way.
Very sweet essay. So much of our engagement with life and the world is only two-dimentional. Thoughts like yours here challenge that that and encourage us to recognized the textured, complete view f of our life.
Also, it was a welcome alternate to the flood of essays focusing on political, social, culture-war, etc. I don't post often (that pesky need to work and maintain a household), but I hope to leave my reader a little better for giving me some of their time. You certainly accomplished it here. Thank you. ~ mg
Thank you so much mg. I love what you said about life being two-dimentional. You're right. I write a lot through the music. I collect so many thoughts and see so many varying things. We tend to stay at the surface as a society rather than stop and think about what life is truly about. "Just trying to live day to day."
I know what you mean about all the political essays. It's too much. We have to stop with all the influence and do some solid logical thinking. I'm glad to leave you with something different. Thank you again. ox
Deborah, I don't even know where to start. This is amazing. Here's a little story of mine. My grandmother and another neighbourhood girl married two brothers who moved from Ontario to Pontiac MI, where they worked in the car factories there. My grandmother Florence's husband Percy, died young. My dad was 2 so she moved back. Aunt Levee (Olivia) married Roy, they had 4 kids. Roy was killed in a car accident. Aunt Leevee never came back. There was a bond formed and we flew back and forth. I spent more time with some of my MI cousins than Obtario ones. Aunt Leevee had a friend named Sid. They were the most hilarious couple. They never married. My grandmother never married. My parents were against anyone living together but no one ever said anything about Aunt Leevee and Sid. I was an adult before I figured it out. But my dad was the protector of anyone a little different. I love hearing about these old sisters. I always wonder what kind of old lady I'm going to be. I many be facing widowhood in the next few years. Maybe I'll put my foot down about some people I think should be let in. Thank you for sharing this. Oddly today I'm working on a post with Eleanor Rigby in it.
Wow Rosemary! This is quite the story! You have to write this!! Your poor Aunt Leevee. How tragic to lose your spouse so young (like my Granddad did), and your Grandmother Florence's husband too :( I think when you go through so much loss, maybe you become hesitant to commit. I'm so glad your Aunt Leevee had Sid! And it was no one's business. Your Aunt went through so much and had her reasons and her children. I'm glad your dad was the protector.
I pray you aren't going to face widowhood in the next few years and that there will be a miracle. If anything I pray for your strength and for a good community or oikos of people to be there for you. It worries me to think about it since our millennial kids aren't like us. I think we are the last generation to care about our parents. We all have to stay strong, healthy "interested and interesting." Thank you for leaving me such a kind comment and a story! I am always so amazed what people go through. And I will look for your post with Eleanor in it!! Sending you a big hug. ox
Thank you for your prayers. I do have those written so I will post it soon. We need to honour those who went before us. Yes, my kids were not as interested in spending time with their grandparents after they declined. There are a couple in every family that seem to love old people. My granddaughter Marley is one. Perhaps she willl ook after me! 😊
Grace, no, it was very sad. No one could get through to her in the end. Another auntie drove a few hours to her home and she refused to answer the door :(. No one wants to end up like that. It's heartbreaking. Thank you for reading this and for your comment. ox
Deborah, profound and deeply contemplative, as usual. You write extraordinary remembrances of the human condition and I greatly appreciate your work. I think all of us have elements of our lives that go astray and awry. We stumble along and hope to find our way. The events of our lives most certainly shape our character and even our temperament. My Dad was a curmudgeon but he took care of the basics of our lives. My Mom was a Nurse and a dear lady given to much emotion (like me...her daughter who arrived late, when Mom was three months into her 40th year). She died overnight when I was 13 and then one of my brothers died two years later in Vietnam, 1968. Every single one of us gets slam-dunked by life. I find great strength and help in hanging out with God and His Son. I also remember Eleanor Rigby song and Yellow Submarine...what memories of my youth... "All the lonely people, where do they all come from..." Great question and one we all have to confront in our own lives and lives of ones we love and know. Blessings to you always, Wendy
Dear Wendy, this means so much to me. I know you have really suffered loss and it's those losses that can deeply affect every move of our lives. You're confronting yours in a Mighty way and I admire you so much for it. Don't stop writing, creating and living as an offering to God. He is near. He is good. And, we are NEVER done. He's never done with us either. There is more on the way to heaven. So so much more. I only wish I could have been a friend to my lonely family, especially my aunt who wallowed up in pain and anger. So very sad. Sending you big love friend. God's got us. oxox
Dear Deborah, yes indeed, Papa God DOES have us and He works His transforming power through us, despite our tears and sorrows. He has a purpose for all we go through. I live in many scriptures (Psalm 91, Isaiah 54:17, Isaiah 61:1 and also Romans 8:28, "all things work together for good to them that love God , to them who are the called according to His purpose." Amen to that! I SO look forward to going Home when my work here is done and spending Eternity working with God, His Son, the angels and beloved ones I care for. What a time that will be! Blessings upon blessings to you, Deborah!!
Oh thank you so much Elizabeth! I don’t know what it is but I’ve found that I am most moved to write through the music. I drop everything and gather all my thoughts. It’s been quite the process. You made my day too! I was babysitting all day and this was so exciting to see. ox
Deborah I love this. Here’s to all the lonely people, the dreamers, the waifs, the misfits and wanderers, the hermits, the unique souls who make our world shine a little brighter. 💫
Trudi! Yesss, cheers to them all. I couldn’t have said this better. Thank you so much friend. ox
Traumatic of events profoundly effects everyone . Do you have to work hard to respond to them in a way which builds your strength and love. My mother was a lot like your mom Aunt Susan. In two short years she lost her first husband to a tragic engineering accident in Montana. Then just a short a few years later my older brother Keith was hit by a car when he was two years old. He suffered brain damage and it changed the trajectory of his life.
She remarried soon after the event and had me about a year later. I know I carry a lot of her stress and feel her feelings. She wasn’t mean or anything like your neighbor, but she was socially isolated for the most part and only a few times a year communicated with my aunts and uncles.
My father literally kept her going. When I suffered my own trauma, I knew what not to do and what to do. What to do it’s very hard when you’re in a slump. But you have to pull yourself up and out. Randy has been a big asset during my recovery.
Extraordinary peace this week Deborah! And Peter Gunn? Is that your Grandad’s real name?
Thank you again, you touched my heart today, but you always do. 💓💗💓
Dear Charlotte, it's almost surreal to hear what your poor mom went through, and like Perry said, it's often trauma that develops the recluse, anti-social, sad, complicated state that many poor souls get themselves into. I can't imagine what you carry inside of you. I know you also lost brother too. Bless your dad and bless you for seeing so clearly that you couldn't go down with your own trauma. I think when we are witness or we are knowing of these beautiful lost souls in our lives then we can choose to work at climbing out. Having strong partners helps. I have one and without him I don't know what I'd do at times. He leaves no excuses and has suffered great loss himself.
So my Granddad was Albert Matthew Alan Gunn and I wrote about him and the Gunns in an early piece called The Wheat and the Bird. I adored him. He had two children, my dad and my Aunt Susan (ten years apart, dad being the oldest). So my maiden name was Gunn :). A good one to travel through school with! ha ha! Got called Gunnr all the time! And, Granddad's twin sisters married so Peter had a different last name. Thank you so much for reading this and leaving me your heart here. You are truly a treasure Charlotte. God knows exactly who we need and I'm so glad He's all over Substack! Love you! oxox
Thank you so much for reading this and leaving me such a raw, honest comment.
I randomly said out loud to no one yesterday ( but Rich heard me ) " I must be from another planet". He agreed. I say this quite frequently actually. I don't understand the cruelty of this world. I'm easily thrown off by it. I love too fiercely, feel too deeply. I don't understand myself, but stand fully in the knowledge that God made me who I am. No matter how much I feel apart on the outside , I am not. Eleanor and I would have made great friends - LOVED this xo
My dearest friend, you couldn't have described me better! lol. But it's true. I was just saying this to John too. I can get so frustrated. We are. God knows it. The end.
There are so many Eleanors and sometimes I feel like her too.
Thank you for this my amazing friend. Wish I could hug you.
Someday. ox
OMG HOLY smokes Deb, are you high on something? This is amazing and every single post of yours is more profound. Please I can't even start on the poem, HIGH resonance. OXOX
Okay, you just made my life. And I'm always high. On music (ha ha).
Just give me a tune and I dive down the rabbit hole and don't come up for a breath until I'm done. I have no idea what happens at times. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel so humbled and blessed to have you as a great friend and fellow writer here Kristin.
My Monday with Violet was fun! Except she fell (skinned her knee while we were playing hopscotch, after chalking it on the sidewalk) and well, Nurse Deb decided ice-cream at 10 a.m. was a good thing. Did I do good? <insert crying face>. Love you. ox
Ha! I literally fired this comment off without a thought actually, so I'm glad I made your already amazing life more life-y!!
I am all for ice cream for breakfast when warranted and it sounds like it was warranted. I also love second breakfast and brunch and breakfast for dinner, so might as well have ice cream for all 3 meals. Of course this is my humble opinion.
OXOX
ha ha! I love it! and I knew you’d agree with ice-cream or anything that feels good when life takes a turn for the boo boo :( Love you and hope you’re doing okay too and treating yourself to something yummy! oxox
Oh always ! I had an ice chicory NOLA coffee and a giant slice of pumpkin bread for my second breakfast today 🤣
I love the memories this stirred up of my in-laws in the UK. I loved Peter the best because he always helped me in the kitchen while the others were arguing politics. Twin Aunties Vi & Ivy were on completely different sides. When all the shouting died down, Ivy would thump on the piano keys while we all had a sing song.
Mom, I will never forget you talking about that story and just the good times in Dunmow. It all sounded like a movie! I will always find it so sad that Susan and Peter died so lonely :( Love you mama. oxox
The verse was touching Deborah and I found myself smiling at some of the other things like the artex.
Nostalgia is bittersweet isn’t it? Even more so for those you don’t know or hardly know. They become sort of legends, like characters in books. Keep documenting, keep enchanting xx
Thank you so much Julie :)
We were fascinated with artexing to the point we found a British guy who did it in SoCal! At the time there was a recession and he was out of work because it was such a special thing, like a luxury. He gave us a really good price and did two ceilings in our home. For over ten years they were conversation pieces! I photographed his process for his website. It was unreal! Hard to give up when we moved.
I sure loved all the stories and getting to hang out with my family a few times when I was older. It always brings me tears when I think of how lonely and struggling a few of them were. ox
Bless I can imagine. I had an elderly great aunt who was lonely too. Died (well was murdered) a spinster, always convinced her married lover of many years would leave his wife for her. 💔
Oh no :( How horribly sad. So many stories right? Here we are again playing late evening and morning catchup! Hope you have a good day. ox
Yes, raining here. Autumn in full swing now and everyone except me has had a cold so I feel I’m on borrowed time. Enjoy it whilst I can🤷♀️😂
Oh goodness, yes, run! Seems a change of season always comes with a cold.
Oh, and please send Fall this way! We are heading back over 32C here
< insert face slap >
How sad. How beautiful.
It’s truly both. A good family. Just wish they hadn’t been so lonely. Thank you so much for reading.
You’re most welcome, but really, thank you. I’m sure that many, many people would find aspects of their own lives reflected in your story.
Family stories should always be written down. We lose so much for not recording our own history. These are great stories.
Thank you Alison. I agree. One day the younger generations will open them up and carry them forward. And hopefully tell their own stories too. ox
This is an excellent piece, filled with pathos, Deborah. And, yes, deepfelt pain.
It is my feeling and long-term observation that people do not start out with intentions to socially isolate, but something happens, usually some trauma, a feeling of being an outsider, of being different. Of being ostracized, judged, misunderstood. Of not willing to fight or argue. I can understand and I empathize. Another excellent song is by Roy Orbison, "Only the Lonely."
Perry,
Thank you so much for reading this and for your heartfelt comment. I always have some tears when I think of the lonely, especially in my family. I think you're absolutely right about trauma, or not fitting in, etc. They both experienced this in a very deep and impacting way.
That's a great Roy Orbison song too! ox
I really liked this one! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much Jules! I really appreciate you reading my ramblings! ox
Very sweet essay. So much of our engagement with life and the world is only two-dimentional. Thoughts like yours here challenge that that and encourage us to recognized the textured, complete view f of our life.
Also, it was a welcome alternate to the flood of essays focusing on political, social, culture-war, etc. I don't post often (that pesky need to work and maintain a household), but I hope to leave my reader a little better for giving me some of their time. You certainly accomplished it here. Thank you. ~ mg
Thank you so much mg. I love what you said about life being two-dimentional. You're right. I write a lot through the music. I collect so many thoughts and see so many varying things. We tend to stay at the surface as a society rather than stop and think about what life is truly about. "Just trying to live day to day."
I know what you mean about all the political essays. It's too much. We have to stop with all the influence and do some solid logical thinking. I'm glad to leave you with something different. Thank you again. ox
Deborah, I don't even know where to start. This is amazing. Here's a little story of mine. My grandmother and another neighbourhood girl married two brothers who moved from Ontario to Pontiac MI, where they worked in the car factories there. My grandmother Florence's husband Percy, died young. My dad was 2 so she moved back. Aunt Levee (Olivia) married Roy, they had 4 kids. Roy was killed in a car accident. Aunt Leevee never came back. There was a bond formed and we flew back and forth. I spent more time with some of my MI cousins than Obtario ones. Aunt Leevee had a friend named Sid. They were the most hilarious couple. They never married. My grandmother never married. My parents were against anyone living together but no one ever said anything about Aunt Leevee and Sid. I was an adult before I figured it out. But my dad was the protector of anyone a little different. I love hearing about these old sisters. I always wonder what kind of old lady I'm going to be. I many be facing widowhood in the next few years. Maybe I'll put my foot down about some people I think should be let in. Thank you for sharing this. Oddly today I'm working on a post with Eleanor Rigby in it.
Wow Rosemary! This is quite the story! You have to write this!! Your poor Aunt Leevee. How tragic to lose your spouse so young (like my Granddad did), and your Grandmother Florence's husband too :( I think when you go through so much loss, maybe you become hesitant to commit. I'm so glad your Aunt Leevee had Sid! And it was no one's business. Your Aunt went through so much and had her reasons and her children. I'm glad your dad was the protector.
I pray you aren't going to face widowhood in the next few years and that there will be a miracle. If anything I pray for your strength and for a good community or oikos of people to be there for you. It worries me to think about it since our millennial kids aren't like us. I think we are the last generation to care about our parents. We all have to stay strong, healthy "interested and interesting." Thank you for leaving me such a kind comment and a story! I am always so amazed what people go through. And I will look for your post with Eleanor in it!! Sending you a big hug. ox
Thank you for your prayers. I do have those written so I will post it soon. We need to honour those who went before us. Yes, my kids were not as interested in spending time with their grandparents after they declined. There are a couple in every family that seem to love old people. My granddaughter Marley is one. Perhaps she willl ook after me! 😊
I don’t want to end up like your Auntie Susan…beautiful 🩵
Grace, no, it was very sad. No one could get through to her in the end. Another auntie drove a few hours to her home and she refused to answer the door :(. No one wants to end up like that. It's heartbreaking. Thank you for reading this and for your comment. ox
Deborah, profound and deeply contemplative, as usual. You write extraordinary remembrances of the human condition and I greatly appreciate your work. I think all of us have elements of our lives that go astray and awry. We stumble along and hope to find our way. The events of our lives most certainly shape our character and even our temperament. My Dad was a curmudgeon but he took care of the basics of our lives. My Mom was a Nurse and a dear lady given to much emotion (like me...her daughter who arrived late, when Mom was three months into her 40th year). She died overnight when I was 13 and then one of my brothers died two years later in Vietnam, 1968. Every single one of us gets slam-dunked by life. I find great strength and help in hanging out with God and His Son. I also remember Eleanor Rigby song and Yellow Submarine...what memories of my youth... "All the lonely people, where do they all come from..." Great question and one we all have to confront in our own lives and lives of ones we love and know. Blessings to you always, Wendy
Dear Wendy, this means so much to me. I know you have really suffered loss and it's those losses that can deeply affect every move of our lives. You're confronting yours in a Mighty way and I admire you so much for it. Don't stop writing, creating and living as an offering to God. He is near. He is good. And, we are NEVER done. He's never done with us either. There is more on the way to heaven. So so much more. I only wish I could have been a friend to my lonely family, especially my aunt who wallowed up in pain and anger. So very sad. Sending you big love friend. God's got us. oxox
Dear Deborah, yes indeed, Papa God DOES have us and He works His transforming power through us, despite our tears and sorrows. He has a purpose for all we go through. I live in many scriptures (Psalm 91, Isaiah 54:17, Isaiah 61:1 and also Romans 8:28, "all things work together for good to them that love God , to them who are the called according to His purpose." Amen to that! I SO look forward to going Home when my work here is done and spending Eternity working with God, His Son, the angels and beloved ones I care for. What a time that will be! Blessings upon blessings to you, Deborah!!
"This is for all the lonely people thinking that life has passed them by. Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup..."
https://songoftheday.ca/2020/09/02/lonely-people/
Yesssss. Thank you Jenni. Don’t give up praying for them, for us, for our world, right? ox
W O W. I simply love this, especially the poem - made my day!
Oh thank you so much Elizabeth! I don’t know what it is but I’ve found that I am most moved to write through the music. I drop everything and gather all my thoughts. It’s been quite the process. You made my day too! I was babysitting all day and this was so exciting to see. ox