Love Through the Lens
..an inner journey in black and white
In my 20 years of working as a professional photographer I spent 16 of those covering commitment. I left home on weekends and immersed myself in love stories.
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I thought I would continue the color of black and white “in love.” I’m not sure my clients knew how much it meant to me to document their special day or the torture I felt inside, while speaking confidence to them, in the months, especially days, leading up to the “big day.”
There are a few repeated favorites below that remain on my website of engagement images. Some here no one has seen except the client. I no longer shoot weddings so I don’t promote them, plus it’s no fun being buried in the sand of so many photographers. It’s a different world, full of games. I’m just not good at them as mentioned. Attention is something I only want to garner from my work, not me. I’ve often sought out and complimented artists who’s work is buried in the sand.
I have reams of images dedicated to shooting boutique style weddings and the engagements beforehand. My first jobs, from 2001 forward, working for a huge wedding photography firm and also for my mentor are collected in album portfolios, framed work, and mementos stored away. Most of what I have with me is on hard-drive storage dating back to 2007.
Each and every client, so deeply special to me, I see them in my mind as all joy.
There were a few exceptions but I wrote those off to the fact that they didn’t really hire me for my work. They just hired me. I could have been any old joe with a camera. It wasn’t fun and these handful of clients proved to be downright horrible, one bride even tossing her bridesmaids out of the reception. Guess it began with the getting ready. Apparently “they all looked better than her,” according to the makeup and hair artists. There was so much infighting during the day, that not only did it begin with horrible accident traffic (a sign), when my best friend/photography partner and I got to the venue, I fell from a rocky bathtub step, while photographing the bride getting ready, taking skin off underneath my standard black pants. It was painful - but not as painful as watching the bride stomp over a teeny bit of water on her dress. By the time we got to the church I had tears streaming down my face and it wasn’t because of the specialness within, it was because it felt so wrong. I didn’t like this day at all and almost quit forever. It was the only time in my career I threatened to leave the event if the wedding party didn’t stop abusing us and each other. I will never forget setting my camera down and standing my ground. It took a minute because they didn’t notice as they bickered their way to nowhere into a wedding party picture. When they finally looked up, I said, “either you stop the fighting or we pack our bags and leave right now.” I think it shocked both my friend and I but it was that bad.
Proof of how one or two negative incidents at work, with a friend, family member, partner, can wipe out all the good of many years. We can apply this to life as we pick up the pieces of our minds.
From the beginning I loved fly-on-the wall moments, which are abundant at weddings. I also learned to create moments in portraits that spoke of love (or at least I hoped) never leaving a bride, groom or wedding party with a sour memory of me ordering them around, saying “okaaaay smile, smile, smile, smile,” teeth gritting, like the one lead photographer I was subjected to working with at the beginning of my career. The blessing of that/those experiences, like carrying his bags, (of which he ordered - okay? no problem - I’m 40 years old, I’m strong, game and humble - but you my man are a jerk) was I gleaned all that I never wanted to be around my clients, second shooters and assistants.
There are no do-overs on wedding jobs. This is a day embedded in eternity. It is a day, every year, that turns another number with a toast, a year that is remembered long after it’s over from divorce or death do us part. It is with all good intentions, until the losses come, a proclamation of love, signed, sealed and delivered under a loving spiritual veil of vows, dedications to God, and each other, with three or more witnesses watching. Including me. Wow. That’s a lot to take in.
I wanted to give them themselves, something that would speak intimately 50 years later. Images that would exude timelessness. I hoped I was achieving this every single time I set foot onto the job. Days prior, I would feel sick to my stomach, worried I would fail, be mundane, disappoint. When I turned the car engine off, prayed (again), grabbed my large equipment bag on wheels, took a deep breath and walked into the bride’s changing room, everything would start to roll like a movie. I was in the zone watching life unfold.
The hunger at the end of the day for food, sustenance, protein and caffeine was colossal. Every bit of me held a calm breath until it was over.
Not only was I in the zone, I had to know “extended family” names, refer to schedules, shot-lists and make sure everything was going smooth, while trying to keep the day calm. The most special day of their life. Sometimes there were dramatic family issues (aren’t there always?) and I was counselor in my office and on the engagement shoot.
“Don’t worry, we can do the family pictures fast and sweet. In the end they came, spent travel money, outfit money, fussed over a gift and this is your thank you to them. It’s never worth the fight leaving a family member out. Your day will be more special for it.”
Among the thousands of rich color images, shot and posted over the years, it’s the black and whites that exude the day’s timelessness to me. An editorial training ground, which would come to me beginning in 2009 with a few political junkets, city event work and seven years at Harvey Mudd University on their pool. Most video/film students, fresh out of college in the mid-2000’s, discovered weddings were great practice. This began the boom of rich documentary style wedding films and couples couldn’t get enough.
Editorial wedding imagery, like street, is imperfect, rarely prompted, and frozen in a split second. The exception, a creative/environmental portrait, (like on an engagement shoot) would place a couple, prompting them to meditate on the love they share. I would walk away, grab a long lens and watch. Sometimes this included a stroll, a secret they shared, while I stood back.
The reason I am sentimental over wedding work is the deep dive of my mind into the world of a large family at a gathering. I became enmeshed like an aunt or sister with my whole family back in England, if only for a moment. Just one moment with my entire family. Similar to major holidays, the days I captured were full of proud grandfathers with cameras, loving grandmothers dressed in sparkles, fathers and mothers holding back tears, the way the couple look at each other, brothers and sisters, cousins, friends all-in. The joy, laughter, inside jokes, relief, celebration. The tranquil simplicity of a bride sitting in a hotel room just before walking out the door to begin a brand new life. Moments vs perfect backdrops. The children in their mini adult outfits, stuffing their faces with sugar, while exploding last minute dance moves, delirious in their ties and tights :)
The wedding tunnel of loving hands and cheers as the getaway car awaits.
How family and friends do everything to be there at all costs. It’s absolutely beautiful to me. Many a bride has asked for pictures of grandparents, as they prepare for memorials, scrambling through grief, unable to locate their wedding day files.
A new chapter writes itself, while the old reflect upon chapters past.
I’m still at the window. I have lived the purpose God intended for me.
This is love through my lens.
I truly was the luckiest.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. - 1 Corinthians 13
Our youngest sang this song for our daughter’s wedding. Never fails to bring tears.
Thank you @Rainey Mitchell (L.E.E) for sharing. It means to much. ox
All of your wedding clients were very blessed to have your eye & heart to stop time on their big day. The B&W's capture the moments like none other, expressing the souls wonderful journey of the day.
Beautiful!!