I'm heading on over! and wow that really bites! I do get some incredible burning at times and think to myself why on earth would I do this? Best to get out before a worse reaction! btw, you're beautiful with the gray! Gives me hope! ox
Well, I’m mostly bald, so that part doesn’t apply. My wife cuts the hair I do have, so no fee. But the issue is bigger. What do we spend our God-given resources on? Does it have only earthly value or heavenly (eternal) value? That’s the question we should be asking. How do we nurture our heart which is what God looks at, not our outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7). Thanks, Deb for a timely, relevant reminder.❤️🙏
ha ha! This is John's answer to everything when I talk about hair! (he's bald too).
I love so much how you put this and it truly is where we need to get. The reflection of costs/profits, in this industry, made my stomach queasy. I love being deeply convicted. It's a process and it's good to get there. Our "heart care" is far more important as you say and this has been my journey for a few years now since I met you. You are part of that. I have meant to write you and tell you your Christmas card picture is so nice and it remains on the shelf above my sink so that I see you and your sweet family every day, and pray for you.
Oh, the dilemmas faced by women! Not that there are zero men who color their hair. I may have met one or two in my 6 decades on the planet but this remains a predominantly female quagmire. As for me, I was platinum blonde when young, then in my 30s sometime I went brown for a year, then salt & pepper for the next 20 years, then white. Whatever happens, happens. We men don’t concern ourselves with these matters. But some of us get downright hostile about our pot bellies. I got one at exactly age 50 and said to myself “ain’t no way I’m putting up with this!” So I got rid of that horrid thing right quick I did!
You made my day with this! ha ha! I have laughed and smiled so big :) So glad you commented and we really do have our "stuff" us women and men! John and I have talked about the bellies quite a bit and it's something that just seems to happen? My dad hated it and did everything to get it to go down! John rides a bike quite a bit, has been in construction for 40 years and is just extremely busy, so a lot of it for him is when he snacks too much - but he's VERY aware and just stays busy. He's not a "workout" kind of guy or gym guy because he kicks himself in his arse every single day at his work and with his music and cycling it's enough! (it is. says wife.). From what I can tell you keep very busy doing what you love and a lot of that is physical with your tip-toeing through the forest escapades, carrying equipment and taking such beautiful pictures! I'm sure you are very busy doing other things too!
I got rid of mine simply by walking believe it or not. Walking burns fat, running burns carbs. One hour each day nonstop and keep it up, takes a while but it works!
Walking is the best! I blew my right knee out skiing just as I was in school for photography. I ended up working all the time on it, to the point of deterioration, over-compensating my left knee and now both are shot. I take CBD oil, keep going as our crap not-a-care "health" system wants me to "age gracefully" as I "pre-sent" well, even though I can go through episodes of extreme pain. I have given up on the system. Last time I stood in line to check in at ortho I got to hear from 3 different patients standing with me that they were on their 3rd knee replacement, 2nd hip, etc., and they were younger than me. Glad I never did it and glad Kaiser never wanted to. I calculated I can walk just about 4 miles before extreme pain, then I ice for a day and back at it. Stop/start sports suck and I miss tennis. Yoga has me in child's pose most of the time, as I have crushed discs in my low back (L4/5) - I'm happy doing exactly what you're doing! ox
you've got your share of challenges! . . . but it sounds as though you are managing them yourself to the best of your ability . . . i think it's important to keep walking, however far you can go without pain . . . i suspect you will slow or arrest any further deterioration of your joints . . . at least i hope!
Yeah, and dad's terrible inherited and hard to diagnose shoulder pain. He had it starting at 11 yrs old. Me in my twenties. I have learned to seek exhilaration in living and in pain. When I would shoot literally 16 hour jobs, while paying dues at the beginning, mind you 40 years old - I'd come home and lay on the floor letting out a guttural moan, looking at the back of my camera upside-down hoping I got everything. I loved shooting so much that I pushed through. It was always two days later, like after hard dance classes as a teen, that I'd ache bad. But then I was enjoying going through the photos by then and the delight to deliver them. My dad told me to never stop. Doctors say it too. The minute you stop. It's over. I have asked my husband every birthday for an ice bed! ha ha! Guess I'll just buy a trash can like the cyclists and fill it with ice. It's my best friend :)
Oh how fun! I zoomed way in and there’s no gray to be seen girl! 😀 Love the photographer capturing your smile just right, she’s definitely a keeper! I still have my stylist camouflage gray areas…weaving she calls it, or is it blended texture? Fancy names to mean mixing hi and lo lights just so… but never at the hair line… no helmet look for me. It blends in subtle like with the gray. So she says. Writing what you’re afraid of …love the prompt! Love your writing! 😊☘️❤️
ha ha! Well.... I just got the shock of my life the day before this picture at the hair salon and made up my mind right then and there! So this is my "last color treatment picture" by Violet! Totally unintentional but how fun she got it as I was lamenting writing this!
I'm so glad you have a good stylist who is helping you do it gracefully! I love the idea of blending the "lights" down below :) and I heard this saying before about writing what you're afraid to write and it's been very liberating as I am getting braver.
Your compliment about my writing means far more than you know. Thank you. I appreciate you and send you a big hug and lots of love. oxox
An! ha ha! "the printer ran out of ink kinda thing!" I love it! You are almost there! Must be a good feeling :) Speaking of printers I am like a nasty tiger with those. Seems printers are the only gadget that torture me. I was known once for smashing one in our driveway, with my dad's face in absolute disbelief, during Christmas several years ago. It felt so good (ha ha ha). Totally out of character!
...and yes, it would be so cool to put those Kardashians, we can barely recognize, anymore out of business! But I digress. Ain't nevva gonna happen!
My sweet friend you are beautiful and Miss Violet Is a budding photographer just like her Nana! My natural haicolor is dark with red undertones. My mom was a dark auburn. And I started getting greys in my 20's and swore I would never be Grey as long as there was Miss Clarol. But in 2020 I stopped dying my hair. And the greys are around my face and streaked through my back hair so I decided to go completely Grey 2 years ago then it seemed to stop greying so I got this brilliant idea to go silver
Well I found a great older stylist very talkative to do it. So we bleached my dark hair 9 or 10 levels to almost white then we put on the dark silver and waited. My hair traitor that it is...Turned reddish blonde! Yep not even close to silver Grey etc. I tried 4 more times only to get the same result. I even tried doing it myself so I could go even lighter. You guessed it same color every time. I found a wig the color I wanted but can't bring my self to wear it. My brother was completely Grey. By 50. My sister mostly Grey by 62. And me streaky Grey at 61. Guess I learned that lesson finally. I guess I will wait and hopefully it will Grey in time. I can occasionally get senior citizen discounts but usually not. So my whine is "I an not going Grey headed fast enough!" After all i have always
een in a hurry!! Next week I'll come up with some weird winkle thing. Thank you for another wonderful read. oxoxox love you my friend.
Linda!!! oh my goodness! This is what I'm afraid of! Oh geeze! Bleaching is so rough! and it kept coming back reddish-blonde?? You are most definitely a stubborn redhead! What a story! I think from what I'm seeing I'll be a white maybe with black? who knows - not looking forward to it like dessert, but I am embracing it! Thank you for reading and for always making me smile. I know you are still going through some healing and I am praying you are back at it soon and not tired or having to deal with too much. Can you believe little Vi took that pic? She was ordering me around, finger flying! How on earth is it in focus? I hit the auto light to brighten it. That was it! Love you friend. oxoxox
Miss Vi is a special little bundle of joy. So smart and bossy? Lol. Healing is going well. I had two scrapes and two bruises. I apparently hit the dash with my titanium knee (replacement) and the air bags scraped my right thumb and it is bruised also. I can't decide if the scrape on my stomach is from the air bag or when they cut off my clothes. My favorite purple shirt, best fitting underwear and my favorite faded jeans. But my work ID was still hanging around my neck. Lol but the insurance is crazy hopefully we can get the rental tomorrow and they will decide if Lucille can be fixed. I loved that truck. Anyway off topic sorry. Love you beautiful. oxoxox
She is! but they all are! How's your sweet baby's arm doing? and so glad you are healing well. What a nightmare :( I relate to your favorite clothes! go figure! and what? they left your i.d. on? Sounds like when I fell from a 6ft ladder smashed my head, passed out, but couldn't walk. They made sure I got an MRI head scan first, told me all my injuries, but on the way home, ready to pass out again, after all those hours watching young people "called nurses" on their phones most of the time... John looked at me and my hair was glued to the blood on my forehead? never got cleaned up. Ridiculous! I pray the insurance doesn't make life more complicated. I will pray over Lucille!! lol. Sometimes we need our best truck friend. Love you too :)
Ava Mae is doing really good with her tie dyed cast that she hit a kid with at daycare. She had a great day! I asked and she answered lol. I got my rental and I guess I am now doing my part to save the environment it is a Hybrid Prius. Lol it's new and the gear shift is on the dash. Have Mercy!
So Deborah, we should compare notes about "art", "writing", trying to fit all of that in while parenting and for you, grandparenting. I tend to stay up way too late to do it. Funny, I have friends since high school and law school and work and not one a writer --other than as lawyers and we're all published--or artist and that's also why I find Substack so wonderful.
(I told one friend in 2013 that I was designing jigsaw puzzles and she paid not much attention. We've been friends talking about other things since 1996 and raised our kids together, gone out together, camped and travelled together. In 2023 I showed her some of my latest puzzles and she said, 'You still doing that?" "Yes, year after year, and I am planning to enter Art Basel when I am 75 in 2.5 years, God-Willing."
So now I will start reading all of your work because the titles aline tell me I will enjoy them!
I would love that! Also, you create puzzles?? This is very cool! We LOVE puzzles!
Right now it's my youngest granddaughter's favorite thing to do and she's very good at it! I am amazed. I bought this old 1950's puzzle of a mare and her baby last Christmas in my mom's little town in Oregon. Violet absolutely loves it. She hadn't done it in since January, when we got home, and last week asked me "where is the heart piece." It is made in the most beautiful shapes! Too funny your friend couldn't believe you were still at it! I completely "get" that some people are absolutely not interested in art or certain aspects of art. It's like music. or food? what we read? I do hope you enter Art Basel! This is a terrific goal and you've been working at it and loving it a long time :)
I hope you've enjoyed the weekend! Our youngest son flew in on Friday night and on Saturday took me on a date he had promised when he was four. 25 years in the making and it's a cute story! I'll write it at some point! We had the best day :)
Thank you for being interested in my work/stories. I was writing myself "out" of a lot of grief for almost two years when I suddenly looked up this January and decided maybe this "Notes" thing might be good for me if I tried. I have now found a beautiful community and have a lot of stories off my chest. I never started this for any reason other than to heed the call to write like it was my life (no time to think about subscribers, who was reading, etc., I knew I just needed a place to write) and God blessed me with this full community at the perfect time. I am honestly amazed at what writing has done for my heart and my soul.
What a stunning picture! Your granddaughter is an artist too! I just turned 41, and have had some gray in my very dark hair for maybe 10 years—I have mostly tried to embrace it, but at times can’t stand it and hate the image that is reflected back at me so I dye it.
You are very beautiful, a little gray will just accentuate your soul. Thanks for sharing this.❤️
Oh you're so young! I think it's hard when our hair is darker! It shows faster. You have time to eventually embrace it! I am so ridiculous dying my own hair but if you can then that's helpful. Thank you so much for leaving such a kind comment! Maybe I should start seriously training that sweet little girl 📷 ✨
Hi, I’m 57, and when I look at myself at age 25, in a photo, cuddling a 5 week old baby, who is now my 6’2”, 32 year old niece, my hair is almost brunette, certainly mid-dark brown. I spent £000 restoring it to the blonde of my youth. Compare that photo to one taken in 2020, aged 53, and I no longer need to bother with the peroxide bottle, as my greying process has now naturally achieved what I spent hundreds on achieving, and maintaining. Win-win.
Love that photo… you certainly passed on your talent 💙
As for going gray, all the darker haired in my family are ‘graying’ early, I was a dark redhead, so yes… I did as well. Had the gray coloured in my own colour until… the lockdowns. Then gave up and saved me a lot of money. Hair salon was good but I think the lockdowns were a huge blow and 2 of the ladies doing my hair left. There isn’t a decent hair salon around where I’m now, so no more (at least for the present).
You're right about the lockdowns and the craziness with the hair salons and so many owners and stylists forced out. I completely get that with making a comeback financially. For the most part, here at least in SoCal, many should have had lots of money stashed away 🤨 Most I know worked from home and all of our salons in our little downtown became speakeasies.
It's more money than ever now. But like I said this industry has been inflated for so long. I am looking forward to saving that money for sure!! So glad to get these comments! Thank you and thank you so much for sharing this! Have a good weekend 😘 ox
PS - Oh and I couldn't believe Vi took that picture! She's too much 🩷 Wish they didn't grow so fast! Thank you! I asked her today if maybe Nana could take pictures for her at three years old with my big cameras. She said, “Nana I hold your big camera?” 🤦♀️ Then she asked me for my phone, told me to run (away from her), then said “dop (stop) come back and “wait no no dop.” ha ha! Can't believe it's in focus!
Deborah, I love this. And the picture is the best, your talent lives on into the next generation. I cut my own hair and I can’t/won’t keep up with color treatments; so I am going gray naturally. I’m 40 but it’s been graying since I was 23. You will look lovely with sparkling silver strands and I feel like it will be a burden lifted. Thank you for sharing your journey into acceptance ❤️
Oh wow Jenn! See? there's a reason we met! I should have started earlier but do feel relieved already! You are a very special person. I am so blessed to have found you here! and is that crazy that Violet took this picture? It was early this morning while babysitting! and I was already writing this last night.
Thank you so much for your encouragement 🥰 I hope it's a decent gray! 😅
It will be beautiful, though it is hard to let go and let gray, haha. For me, I love/loved my natural hair color, though it is only brown. But, it’s my brown and it suits me. I tried to match it a few times with out success and I really hated the upkeep. I feel like society does not permit us to age, so kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and doing it your own way. And kudos to Violet for being a natural behind the camera!
That's the thing, it's hard to match the browns. I end up orange 🙃 And society doesn't let or encourage us to age. It's awful! I'm up for this challenge!
I'm still pretty stunned Vi got that! She's so young getting a photographer credit 😂
We gray haired ladies will be the role models for the next generation, Violet will remember her beautiful grandmother and she will be less afraid of the dreaded gray ❤️. Have a beautiful day!
I wish I knew why young stylists don’t talk. It’s weird. I end up exhausted from trying to start a conversation and keep it going, and paying megabucks for a haircut I hated. I finally found a stylist could cut my hair almost the way I wanted it, but she also seemed to think I was paying for the privilege of being her therapist. But recently found someone who can cut bangs. Yes!!!! And he’s interesting and attentive and I don’t mind forking over a fairly large sum of money. Like a good photographer: worth every penny.
Mary, it's so weird with so many young people. I know it's not all, but we would have been poor conducting business this way. How rude!! You see? you found someone who cares and "sees you!" I've given up! and those bangs! Why is such a small amount of hair so complicated! (or the stylist doesn't understand how you want them!).
Thank you for commenting! Have a peaceful weekend 😘
So good luck: such choices can be reversed if you change your mind.
I am “going gray” right now and am very excited: it’s coming in silvery white and is quite pretty. 7-8 years ago I gave up formal precision hair cuts and color to save at least $3,600 a year plus gas and time and 25 year friendships at only 1 salon in that time. I suffered going “cold turkey from the salon” and so did the hairdresser because she lost money.
But the salon was no longer near my home, there was a new owner that wanted “cash only”, some of the old customers were dying and that new owner—who had painted the walls bright purple and I couldn’t relax there anymore. (The new policy also required I take out at least $300 a month before each appointment, I was having trouble seeing/ driving because of 2 giant cataracts, my husband was becoming bedridden and more and more incontinent and supplies for that were $5-600 a month! not covered by Medicare. So after 55 years of dying my hair, “enough was enough”!
So I did the color myself and never had a professional hair cut again and looked it. And then this past year my hair wouldn’t stop breaking off so I just stopped the coloring and we’ll see where it ends up style-wise. Right now I’m dojng high ponytails, messy “bed hair” buns, and “over one shoulder” low pony tails.
You and anyone else doing this should keep in touch for “progress reports”.
Phyllis! oh goodness I so appreciate your story and I would love updates! It's truly out of control in this industry.
I'm also so sorry to hear what you and your husband went through. Growing old is not for the weak. You sound like a beautiful person and wife. Thank you for sharing. ox
Thanks for your good thoughts- as others on Substack agree, it sure is hard both growing older and being a caregiver.(For me: for both my husband after 44 years together and my Mom 23 years earlier*. Such needs never come at the "right time" and no one ever does it perfectly and as time passes since he's died I keep kicking myself for thinking after the years about how things could have been done better and wished there had been no Covid and not so much isolation. [We did have a Zoom birthday party with drinking and cake, though.]
(*We had help for his Mom and then especially for my Mom because by then we also had 2 years old twins and both of us worked full time in an offices across the street from each other with day care right in my building and then regular school 10 minutes away in the early to late 90's. And our kids grew up in the same salon with the original owner's kids.)
In any event, I wish I had been aware of Substack earlier: if around when my husband was alive but bedridden he could have started a virtual bassfishing club and done Zoom for that, too. I don't know why neither of us thought about that at the time.
But the thought about "fishing" brings up another set of of thoughts in relation to aging: how physically empty and disorienting life both in general and during a pandemic "lockdown" became for people that had been very physically active for the majority of our marriage. From the '''70's to mid- 2010 or so we were unbelievably active from his fishing minimum 1x a month to our skiing, scuba diving, bowling, doubles tennis, tubing, dogsledding, parasailing, parties, dancing, paddle ball, boating, traveling, and then after he had a stroke "nothing" and downhill for both of us athletics-wise other than half-hearted "going to the gym" or "physical therapy" until Covid.
For my husband's care it was "lockdown time" and luckily I could work at home, but no help that was worth a darn because Medicare wouldn't give more than 2 days a week for at most a few hrs and everyone was scared of Covid anyway to come to our house.
But back to the hairdresser / "going gray" thing: I took my Mom to the same salon and never saw her with gray or white hair. She had dementia and I had been advised by a neurologist to keep dying her hair because she might get too disoriented if she did not look like herself to herself when she looked in a mirror. In the same vein, we also kept her nails polished after regular manicures and when we had to sell her house because it was not only too large and too expensive but also too many stairs, we bought her a condo with room for her helper and we brought her same furniture, set it up the same as in her house and hung pictures in many of the same locations in relation to her furniture as they had been at her home so she seemed content.
In any event, so many threads and groups in Substack seem "magical" where we can write, read, meet passionate, quirky, engaged and mostly congenial new friends, hope to turn our life experiences into "art", and that's what I have been working on since 2011 when I found out that none of our then young adult kids wanted any of our "stuff" while we tried to downsize. So I started with digitally photographing and painting still lifes in preparation for getting rid of it all and now have thousands of images of all kinds and will not only have a newsletter about it, but also have been planning a business after decades as a lawyer.
(And the irony is that I was an artist, sculptor and photographer first, couldn't figure out how to make a living with it, ultimately went to law school and met my husband who cheered me on no matter which way I wanted to go. So like "Grandma Moses" from the '50's, I'll be a white haired artist / photographer and join the very many other women artists in their 60's-90's all around the world.)
Thank you so much for writing to me! I am so deeply sorry for what you went through, in lockdown no less, during your husband's care and passing. It was brutal and so wrong. Life together, taking care of our parents, etc. is something I am not sure young people, our own kids, are prepared for. We keep saying to each other, "let's stay as strong as we can, because we can't expect a thing as we age." I am also hearing more stories about Medicare and it's terrible. I am almost there and I imagine nothing will be left at the rate our country takes from its own people. When you have put in all the hard work and time it's not there in the most necessary of cases. As a lawyer it must frustrate you a lot. I believe most systems were set up for the good and they slowly become deeply corrupted. This is historical though.
To look back and realize how physically active you were with your husband and then see the limits, the sickness, very painful. I can see how much fun he might have had with the whole virtual zoom thing. I guess that was the blessing for staying in touch with people, although my grandchildren would kiss the screen. ugh. So not right. Many people died with no physical touch from their loved ones or anyone else. Heartbreaking. Many said goodbye on Face Time. It still makes me cry.
You were so kind to keep your mom's hair the same and take the advice of a neurologist when she had dementia. She must have had dementia rather young? So many losses you have been through. We dealt with my husband's mom as she slid downhill and it was no easy task. I was able to get some good advice from a senior specialist that really helped.
Speaking of your talents, "the way you were designed!" -- I do hope you begin your Substack and join us all. So far, it is everything you expressed and I would absolutely LOVE to see your work and get to know you! We went through that "downsizing" in 2018 and the added pain was the same. Our grown adult kids didn't want anything. I spent hours putting together small things. I do understand how today they don't have the desire, the sentiment? like we did, or as much room as we did, or they rent, or their home is small, and many don't want any "stuff." This is why I am writing and putting some photography with it. It's to leave my heart somewhere that it will be found someday.
Sending you a big hug and a lot of encouragement to you Phyllis! Thank you so much again! deb ox
Her mum was amazed, as was I! She got about 6 shots too and seemed to wiggle and order me around a bit! ha ha! It's a miracle they are in focus! 😅 Thank you! Nana time is the best time 🩷
Perfect Deb as always. I, too wish life were simpler. I am sounding old but times were better years ago. We had connection. Now it seems people are living via a screen. It is sad.
Awe, thank you friend ☺️ I am getting over a lot of things that I find annoying these days! It's nothing new but will this generation look back someday and say, the old days were better days? Not sure. Probably. But it's all they know. I liked our old perfectly imperfect world. Sending you much love 😘
I had no choice. After years of hair dye use I suddenly had an out of the blue allergic reaction. I talk about it and other hair stuff here
https://open.substack.com/pub/juliedee/p/my-hair-a-love-story?r=1c4b56&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
That said I now adore being a silver lady! Go rock it!🩷🔥
I'm heading on over! and wow that really bites! I do get some incredible burning at times and think to myself why on earth would I do this? Best to get out before a worse reaction! btw, you're beautiful with the gray! Gives me hope! ox
https://substack.com/@lyvine2016
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Well, I’m mostly bald, so that part doesn’t apply. My wife cuts the hair I do have, so no fee. But the issue is bigger. What do we spend our God-given resources on? Does it have only earthly value or heavenly (eternal) value? That’s the question we should be asking. How do we nurture our heart which is what God looks at, not our outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7). Thanks, Deb for a timely, relevant reminder.❤️🙏
Ned!
ha ha! This is John's answer to everything when I talk about hair! (he's bald too).
I love so much how you put this and it truly is where we need to get. The reflection of costs/profits, in this industry, made my stomach queasy. I love being deeply convicted. It's a process and it's good to get there. Our "heart care" is far more important as you say and this has been my journey for a few years now since I met you. You are part of that. I have meant to write you and tell you your Christmas card picture is so nice and it remains on the shelf above my sink so that I see you and your sweet family every day, and pray for you.
God keep you Ned, my sweetest friend. oxox
Oh, the dilemmas faced by women! Not that there are zero men who color their hair. I may have met one or two in my 6 decades on the planet but this remains a predominantly female quagmire. As for me, I was platinum blonde when young, then in my 30s sometime I went brown for a year, then salt & pepper for the next 20 years, then white. Whatever happens, happens. We men don’t concern ourselves with these matters. But some of us get downright hostile about our pot bellies. I got one at exactly age 50 and said to myself “ain’t no way I’m putting up with this!” So I got rid of that horrid thing right quick I did!
David!!
You made my day with this! ha ha! I have laughed and smiled so big :) So glad you commented and we really do have our "stuff" us women and men! John and I have talked about the bellies quite a bit and it's something that just seems to happen? My dad hated it and did everything to get it to go down! John rides a bike quite a bit, has been in construction for 40 years and is just extremely busy, so a lot of it for him is when he snacks too much - but he's VERY aware and just stays busy. He's not a "workout" kind of guy or gym guy because he kicks himself in his arse every single day at his work and with his music and cycling it's enough! (it is. says wife.). From what I can tell you keep very busy doing what you love and a lot of that is physical with your tip-toeing through the forest escapades, carrying equipment and taking such beautiful pictures! I'm sure you are very busy doing other things too!
Hope you have had a sweet weekend David! oxoxox
I got rid of mine simply by walking believe it or not. Walking burns fat, running burns carbs. One hour each day nonstop and keep it up, takes a while but it works!
Walking is the best! I blew my right knee out skiing just as I was in school for photography. I ended up working all the time on it, to the point of deterioration, over-compensating my left knee and now both are shot. I take CBD oil, keep going as our crap not-a-care "health" system wants me to "age gracefully" as I "pre-sent" well, even though I can go through episodes of extreme pain. I have given up on the system. Last time I stood in line to check in at ortho I got to hear from 3 different patients standing with me that they were on their 3rd knee replacement, 2nd hip, etc., and they were younger than me. Glad I never did it and glad Kaiser never wanted to. I calculated I can walk just about 4 miles before extreme pain, then I ice for a day and back at it. Stop/start sports suck and I miss tennis. Yoga has me in child's pose most of the time, as I have crushed discs in my low back (L4/5) - I'm happy doing exactly what you're doing! ox
you've got your share of challenges! . . . but it sounds as though you are managing them yourself to the best of your ability . . . i think it's important to keep walking, however far you can go without pain . . . i suspect you will slow or arrest any further deterioration of your joints . . . at least i hope!
Yeah, and dad's terrible inherited and hard to diagnose shoulder pain. He had it starting at 11 yrs old. Me in my twenties. I have learned to seek exhilaration in living and in pain. When I would shoot literally 16 hour jobs, while paying dues at the beginning, mind you 40 years old - I'd come home and lay on the floor letting out a guttural moan, looking at the back of my camera upside-down hoping I got everything. I loved shooting so much that I pushed through. It was always two days later, like after hard dance classes as a teen, that I'd ache bad. But then I was enjoying going through the photos by then and the delight to deliver them. My dad told me to never stop. Doctors say it too. The minute you stop. It's over. I have asked my husband every birthday for an ice bed! ha ha! Guess I'll just buy a trash can like the cyclists and fill it with ice. It's my best friend :)
Sadly I’m not aware of any herbal remedies for that
Oh how fun! I zoomed way in and there’s no gray to be seen girl! 😀 Love the photographer capturing your smile just right, she’s definitely a keeper! I still have my stylist camouflage gray areas…weaving she calls it, or is it blended texture? Fancy names to mean mixing hi and lo lights just so… but never at the hair line… no helmet look for me. It blends in subtle like with the gray. So she says. Writing what you’re afraid of …love the prompt! Love your writing! 😊☘️❤️
Hey Joan!
ha ha! Well.... I just got the shock of my life the day before this picture at the hair salon and made up my mind right then and there! So this is my "last color treatment picture" by Violet! Totally unintentional but how fun she got it as I was lamenting writing this!
I'm so glad you have a good stylist who is helping you do it gracefully! I love the idea of blending the "lights" down below :) and I heard this saying before about writing what you're afraid to write and it's been very liberating as I am getting braver.
Your compliment about my writing means far more than you know. Thank you. I appreciate you and send you a big hug and lots of love. oxox
Great picture!
Thank you for writing!
You are gorgeous! I have about 2-3 inches left to grow out!!
Of course we’ll blame the Kardashians!!!
LOL
Hi An :)
Thank you so much! and I am REALLY glad you agree about those Kardashians! ha ha! 100%
How long has it taken for you to go gray? So exciting to only have a few inches left!
Thanks for reading and making me smile :) ox
Hi :)
LOL no doubt!! It’s all their fault!!!
Well… that’s the thing… it’s still mixed, grey in front,temples, sides .. there is a half inch strand that is all white.
… the printer ran out of ink kinda thing…
Did highlights and color for years when it started.
I guess now hey will have to accept us as we are!!
Even those Kardashians!!!
An! ha ha! "the printer ran out of ink kinda thing!" I love it! You are almost there! Must be a good feeling :) Speaking of printers I am like a nasty tiger with those. Seems printers are the only gadget that torture me. I was known once for smashing one in our driveway, with my dad's face in absolute disbelief, during Christmas several years ago. It felt so good (ha ha ha). Totally out of character!
...and yes, it would be so cool to put those Kardashians, we can barely recognize, anymore out of business! But I digress. Ain't nevva gonna happen!
Yes it is a good feeling! Free from all those chemicals and the maintenance treadmill!! …
been a slave to the beauty industry for too long!
Don’t get me started on printers!! LOL
I’ve got two sitting there.. disconnected.
Talk about user-unfriendly and then the ink racket!
I think smashing one in the driveway would really feel good!! … gotta make sure those neighbors are at work!!! LOL
My sweet friend you are beautiful and Miss Violet Is a budding photographer just like her Nana! My natural haicolor is dark with red undertones. My mom was a dark auburn. And I started getting greys in my 20's and swore I would never be Grey as long as there was Miss Clarol. But in 2020 I stopped dying my hair. And the greys are around my face and streaked through my back hair so I decided to go completely Grey 2 years ago then it seemed to stop greying so I got this brilliant idea to go silver
Well I found a great older stylist very talkative to do it. So we bleached my dark hair 9 or 10 levels to almost white then we put on the dark silver and waited. My hair traitor that it is...Turned reddish blonde! Yep not even close to silver Grey etc. I tried 4 more times only to get the same result. I even tried doing it myself so I could go even lighter. You guessed it same color every time. I found a wig the color I wanted but can't bring my self to wear it. My brother was completely Grey. By 50. My sister mostly Grey by 62. And me streaky Grey at 61. Guess I learned that lesson finally. I guess I will wait and hopefully it will Grey in time. I can occasionally get senior citizen discounts but usually not. So my whine is "I an not going Grey headed fast enough!" After all i have always
een in a hurry!! Next week I'll come up with some weird winkle thing. Thank you for another wonderful read. oxoxox love you my friend.
Linda!!! oh my goodness! This is what I'm afraid of! Oh geeze! Bleaching is so rough! and it kept coming back reddish-blonde?? You are most definitely a stubborn redhead! What a story! I think from what I'm seeing I'll be a white maybe with black? who knows - not looking forward to it like dessert, but I am embracing it! Thank you for reading and for always making me smile. I know you are still going through some healing and I am praying you are back at it soon and not tired or having to deal with too much. Can you believe little Vi took that pic? She was ordering me around, finger flying! How on earth is it in focus? I hit the auto light to brighten it. That was it! Love you friend. oxoxox
Miss Vi is a special little bundle of joy. So smart and bossy? Lol. Healing is going well. I had two scrapes and two bruises. I apparently hit the dash with my titanium knee (replacement) and the air bags scraped my right thumb and it is bruised also. I can't decide if the scrape on my stomach is from the air bag or when they cut off my clothes. My favorite purple shirt, best fitting underwear and my favorite faded jeans. But my work ID was still hanging around my neck. Lol but the insurance is crazy hopefully we can get the rental tomorrow and they will decide if Lucille can be fixed. I loved that truck. Anyway off topic sorry. Love you beautiful. oxoxox
She is! but they all are! How's your sweet baby's arm doing? and so glad you are healing well. What a nightmare :( I relate to your favorite clothes! go figure! and what? they left your i.d. on? Sounds like when I fell from a 6ft ladder smashed my head, passed out, but couldn't walk. They made sure I got an MRI head scan first, told me all my injuries, but on the way home, ready to pass out again, after all those hours watching young people "called nurses" on their phones most of the time... John looked at me and my hair was glued to the blood on my forehead? never got cleaned up. Ridiculous! I pray the insurance doesn't make life more complicated. I will pray over Lucille!! lol. Sometimes we need our best truck friend. Love you too :)
Ava Mae is doing really good with her tie dyed cast that she hit a kid with at daycare. She had a great day! I asked and she answered lol. I got my rental and I guess I am now doing my part to save the environment it is a Hybrid Prius. Lol it's new and the gear shift is on the dash. Have Mercy!
So Deborah, we should compare notes about "art", "writing", trying to fit all of that in while parenting and for you, grandparenting. I tend to stay up way too late to do it. Funny, I have friends since high school and law school and work and not one a writer --other than as lawyers and we're all published--or artist and that's also why I find Substack so wonderful.
(I told one friend in 2013 that I was designing jigsaw puzzles and she paid not much attention. We've been friends talking about other things since 1996 and raised our kids together, gone out together, camped and travelled together. In 2023 I showed her some of my latest puzzles and she said, 'You still doing that?" "Yes, year after year, and I am planning to enter Art Basel when I am 75 in 2.5 years, God-Willing."
So now I will start reading all of your work because the titles aline tell me I will enjoy them!
Have a great weekend to you and your family.
Oh Phyllis!
I would love that! Also, you create puzzles?? This is very cool! We LOVE puzzles!
Right now it's my youngest granddaughter's favorite thing to do and she's very good at it! I am amazed. I bought this old 1950's puzzle of a mare and her baby last Christmas in my mom's little town in Oregon. Violet absolutely loves it. She hadn't done it in since January, when we got home, and last week asked me "where is the heart piece." It is made in the most beautiful shapes! Too funny your friend couldn't believe you were still at it! I completely "get" that some people are absolutely not interested in art or certain aspects of art. It's like music. or food? what we read? I do hope you enter Art Basel! This is a terrific goal and you've been working at it and loving it a long time :)
I hope you've enjoyed the weekend! Our youngest son flew in on Friday night and on Saturday took me on a date he had promised when he was four. 25 years in the making and it's a cute story! I'll write it at some point! We had the best day :)
Thank you for being interested in my work/stories. I was writing myself "out" of a lot of grief for almost two years when I suddenly looked up this January and decided maybe this "Notes" thing might be good for me if I tried. I have now found a beautiful community and have a lot of stories off my chest. I never started this for any reason other than to heed the call to write like it was my life (no time to think about subscribers, who was reading, etc., I knew I just needed a place to write) and God blessed me with this full community at the perfect time. I am honestly amazed at what writing has done for my heart and my soul.
Sending you much love. ox
What a stunning picture! Your granddaughter is an artist too! I just turned 41, and have had some gray in my very dark hair for maybe 10 years—I have mostly tried to embrace it, but at times can’t stand it and hate the image that is reflected back at me so I dye it.
You are very beautiful, a little gray will just accentuate your soul. Thanks for sharing this.❤️
Oh you're so young! I think it's hard when our hair is darker! It shows faster. You have time to eventually embrace it! I am so ridiculous dying my own hair but if you can then that's helpful. Thank you so much for leaving such a kind comment! Maybe I should start seriously training that sweet little girl 📷 ✨
Have a good weekend 😘 ox
You’re definitely not ridiculous!
You should—plus it will give her an abundance of memories she can look back on someday!
Thanks! Have a good weekend yourself ❤️
Thank you 🙏🏻😘 I always thought it would be so fun to teach them all.
Hi, I’m 57, and when I look at myself at age 25, in a photo, cuddling a 5 week old baby, who is now my 6’2”, 32 year old niece, my hair is almost brunette, certainly mid-dark brown. I spent £000 restoring it to the blonde of my youth. Compare that photo to one taken in 2020, aged 53, and I no longer need to bother with the peroxide bottle, as my greying process has now naturally achieved what I spent hundreds on achieving, and maintaining. Win-win.
Hi Karen!
Oh my goodness the costs! What a wonderful feeling to be completely over it! This is what I'm looking forward to! and you have a 6'2" niece 🤩 Wow!
Thank you for your comment and giving me hope! Have a good weekend 😘 ox
Love that photo… you certainly passed on your talent 💙
As for going gray, all the darker haired in my family are ‘graying’ early, I was a dark redhead, so yes… I did as well. Had the gray coloured in my own colour until… the lockdowns. Then gave up and saved me a lot of money. Hair salon was good but I think the lockdowns were a huge blow and 2 of the ladies doing my hair left. There isn’t a decent hair salon around where I’m now, so no more (at least for the present).
Oh Joyce ☺️
A dark redhead! I love that!
You're right about the lockdowns and the craziness with the hair salons and so many owners and stylists forced out. I completely get that with making a comeback financially. For the most part, here at least in SoCal, many should have had lots of money stashed away 🤨 Most I know worked from home and all of our salons in our little downtown became speakeasies.
It's more money than ever now. But like I said this industry has been inflated for so long. I am looking forward to saving that money for sure!! So glad to get these comments! Thank you and thank you so much for sharing this! Have a good weekend 😘 ox
PS - Oh and I couldn't believe Vi took that picture! She's too much 🩷 Wish they didn't grow so fast! Thank you! I asked her today if maybe Nana could take pictures for her at three years old with my big cameras. She said, “Nana I hold your big camera?” 🤦♀️ Then she asked me for my phone, told me to run (away from her), then said “dop (stop) come back and “wait no no dop.” ha ha! Can't believe it's in focus!
Have a lovely weekend 💙🙏💫
Thank you 🩵
Deborah, I love this. And the picture is the best, your talent lives on into the next generation. I cut my own hair and I can’t/won’t keep up with color treatments; so I am going gray naturally. I’m 40 but it’s been graying since I was 23. You will look lovely with sparkling silver strands and I feel like it will be a burden lifted. Thank you for sharing your journey into acceptance ❤️
Oh wow Jenn! See? there's a reason we met! I should have started earlier but do feel relieved already! You are a very special person. I am so blessed to have found you here! and is that crazy that Violet took this picture? It was early this morning while babysitting! and I was already writing this last night.
Thank you so much for your encouragement 🥰 I hope it's a decent gray! 😅
Have a great weekend! oxox
It will be beautiful, though it is hard to let go and let gray, haha. For me, I love/loved my natural hair color, though it is only brown. But, it’s my brown and it suits me. I tried to match it a few times with out success and I really hated the upkeep. I feel like society does not permit us to age, so kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and doing it your own way. And kudos to Violet for being a natural behind the camera!
Thank you Jenn ☺️
That's the thing, it's hard to match the browns. I end up orange 🙃 And society doesn't let or encourage us to age. It's awful! I'm up for this challenge!
I'm still pretty stunned Vi got that! She's so young getting a photographer credit 😂
ox
We gray haired ladies will be the role models for the next generation, Violet will remember her beautiful grandmother and she will be less afraid of the dreaded gray ❤️. Have a beautiful day!
I wish I knew why young stylists don’t talk. It’s weird. I end up exhausted from trying to start a conversation and keep it going, and paying megabucks for a haircut I hated. I finally found a stylist could cut my hair almost the way I wanted it, but she also seemed to think I was paying for the privilege of being her therapist. But recently found someone who can cut bangs. Yes!!!! And he’s interesting and attentive and I don’t mind forking over a fairly large sum of money. Like a good photographer: worth every penny.
Mary, it's so weird with so many young people. I know it's not all, but we would have been poor conducting business this way. How rude!! You see? you found someone who cares and "sees you!" I've given up! and those bangs! Why is such a small amount of hair so complicated! (or the stylist doesn't understand how you want them!).
Thank you for commenting! Have a peaceful weekend 😘
So good luck: such choices can be reversed if you change your mind.
I am “going gray” right now and am very excited: it’s coming in silvery white and is quite pretty. 7-8 years ago I gave up formal precision hair cuts and color to save at least $3,600 a year plus gas and time and 25 year friendships at only 1 salon in that time. I suffered going “cold turkey from the salon” and so did the hairdresser because she lost money.
But the salon was no longer near my home, there was a new owner that wanted “cash only”, some of the old customers were dying and that new owner—who had painted the walls bright purple and I couldn’t relax there anymore. (The new policy also required I take out at least $300 a month before each appointment, I was having trouble seeing/ driving because of 2 giant cataracts, my husband was becoming bedridden and more and more incontinent and supplies for that were $5-600 a month! not covered by Medicare. So after 55 years of dying my hair, “enough was enough”!
So I did the color myself and never had a professional hair cut again and looked it. And then this past year my hair wouldn’t stop breaking off so I just stopped the coloring and we’ll see where it ends up style-wise. Right now I’m dojng high ponytails, messy “bed hair” buns, and “over one shoulder” low pony tails.
You and anyone else doing this should keep in touch for “progress reports”.
Phyllis! oh goodness I so appreciate your story and I would love updates! It's truly out of control in this industry.
I'm also so sorry to hear what you and your husband went through. Growing old is not for the weak. You sound like a beautiful person and wife. Thank you for sharing. ox
Thanks for your good thoughts- as others on Substack agree, it sure is hard both growing older and being a caregiver.(For me: for both my husband after 44 years together and my Mom 23 years earlier*. Such needs never come at the "right time" and no one ever does it perfectly and as time passes since he's died I keep kicking myself for thinking after the years about how things could have been done better and wished there had been no Covid and not so much isolation. [We did have a Zoom birthday party with drinking and cake, though.]
(*We had help for his Mom and then especially for my Mom because by then we also had 2 years old twins and both of us worked full time in an offices across the street from each other with day care right in my building and then regular school 10 minutes away in the early to late 90's. And our kids grew up in the same salon with the original owner's kids.)
In any event, I wish I had been aware of Substack earlier: if around when my husband was alive but bedridden he could have started a virtual bassfishing club and done Zoom for that, too. I don't know why neither of us thought about that at the time.
But the thought about "fishing" brings up another set of of thoughts in relation to aging: how physically empty and disorienting life both in general and during a pandemic "lockdown" became for people that had been very physically active for the majority of our marriage. From the '''70's to mid- 2010 or so we were unbelievably active from his fishing minimum 1x a month to our skiing, scuba diving, bowling, doubles tennis, tubing, dogsledding, parasailing, parties, dancing, paddle ball, boating, traveling, and then after he had a stroke "nothing" and downhill for both of us athletics-wise other than half-hearted "going to the gym" or "physical therapy" until Covid.
For my husband's care it was "lockdown time" and luckily I could work at home, but no help that was worth a darn because Medicare wouldn't give more than 2 days a week for at most a few hrs and everyone was scared of Covid anyway to come to our house.
But back to the hairdresser / "going gray" thing: I took my Mom to the same salon and never saw her with gray or white hair. She had dementia and I had been advised by a neurologist to keep dying her hair because she might get too disoriented if she did not look like herself to herself when she looked in a mirror. In the same vein, we also kept her nails polished after regular manicures and when we had to sell her house because it was not only too large and too expensive but also too many stairs, we bought her a condo with room for her helper and we brought her same furniture, set it up the same as in her house and hung pictures in many of the same locations in relation to her furniture as they had been at her home so she seemed content.
In any event, so many threads and groups in Substack seem "magical" where we can write, read, meet passionate, quirky, engaged and mostly congenial new friends, hope to turn our life experiences into "art", and that's what I have been working on since 2011 when I found out that none of our then young adult kids wanted any of our "stuff" while we tried to downsize. So I started with digitally photographing and painting still lifes in preparation for getting rid of it all and now have thousands of images of all kinds and will not only have a newsletter about it, but also have been planning a business after decades as a lawyer.
(And the irony is that I was an artist, sculptor and photographer first, couldn't figure out how to make a living with it, ultimately went to law school and met my husband who cheered me on no matter which way I wanted to go. So like "Grandma Moses" from the '50's, I'll be a white haired artist / photographer and join the very many other women artists in their 60's-90's all around the world.)
Hi Phyllis,
Thank you so much for writing to me! I am so deeply sorry for what you went through, in lockdown no less, during your husband's care and passing. It was brutal and so wrong. Life together, taking care of our parents, etc. is something I am not sure young people, our own kids, are prepared for. We keep saying to each other, "let's stay as strong as we can, because we can't expect a thing as we age." I am also hearing more stories about Medicare and it's terrible. I am almost there and I imagine nothing will be left at the rate our country takes from its own people. When you have put in all the hard work and time it's not there in the most necessary of cases. As a lawyer it must frustrate you a lot. I believe most systems were set up for the good and they slowly become deeply corrupted. This is historical though.
To look back and realize how physically active you were with your husband and then see the limits, the sickness, very painful. I can see how much fun he might have had with the whole virtual zoom thing. I guess that was the blessing for staying in touch with people, although my grandchildren would kiss the screen. ugh. So not right. Many people died with no physical touch from their loved ones or anyone else. Heartbreaking. Many said goodbye on Face Time. It still makes me cry.
You were so kind to keep your mom's hair the same and take the advice of a neurologist when she had dementia. She must have had dementia rather young? So many losses you have been through. We dealt with my husband's mom as she slid downhill and it was no easy task. I was able to get some good advice from a senior specialist that really helped.
Speaking of your talents, "the way you were designed!" -- I do hope you begin your Substack and join us all. So far, it is everything you expressed and I would absolutely LOVE to see your work and get to know you! We went through that "downsizing" in 2018 and the added pain was the same. Our grown adult kids didn't want anything. I spent hours putting together small things. I do understand how today they don't have the desire, the sentiment? like we did, or as much room as we did, or they rent, or their home is small, and many don't want any "stuff." This is why I am writing and putting some photography with it. It's to leave my heart somewhere that it will be found someday.
Sending you a big hug and a lot of encouragement to you Phyllis! Thank you so much again! deb ox
She did it so well! You look radiant!
Her mum was amazed, as was I! She got about 6 shots too and seemed to wiggle and order me around a bit! ha ha! It's a miracle they are in focus! 😅 Thank you! Nana time is the best time 🩷
Perfect Deb as always. I, too wish life were simpler. I am sounding old but times were better years ago. We had connection. Now it seems people are living via a screen. It is sad.
Awe, thank you friend ☺️ I am getting over a lot of things that I find annoying these days! It's nothing new but will this generation look back someday and say, the old days were better days? Not sure. Probably. But it's all they know. I liked our old perfectly imperfect world. Sending you much love 😘