You're able to say difficult things in a way that I believe truly resembles your heart- you are compelled to speak Truth, but you will do it in a way that is not intentionally hurtful. Hurtful just to be hurtful. You have been the receiver of disrespect, have experienced it, and don't choose to give it back. You also don't hide away from it and pretend it's not there. I'm a people-pleaser at heart and it's so hard for me to approach conflict, but I believe as you do. I'll be thinking on this. <3
Dear Krissy, thank you. I began to write here at the direction of the Holy Spirit and it's been a real blessing and experience. I will often look back and not understand where things came from. I know you know. I read it in your work as well. I want to resonate with many - but mostly He wants this. I can very much relate to the people pleaser mode that I carried for a long time. Now I just want to please Him. Which, in turn, I believe has helped me approach hard situations with honesty and respect, not just for others, but for myself - which I've long needed. oxoxox
So heartbreaking Deb! I pray for continued healing for you and your family. It is a crazy, mixed up world at times and sometimes our actions hurt those we love (intentionally or unintentionally). Sending love your way!
Deborah, where do I start with this? My heart aches for you. And me. I pray for your family. There is nothing closer to the heart of a mother than keeping her family together. My family is divided by addiction. Separating from my daughter and her boyfriend because of fentanyl. And his being a product of other people's choices brought him to a place where my good Christian, church-going kids think that he is not worth their time of day. My son went to missionary school with the intention of traveling to a 3rd world country for 4 years to preach the gospel. I pleaded. Just come downtown and talk to this one guy with me. It's so messy. Some days I just want to lie down and cry.
The pandemic was another story. My DIL screamed at me to shut up when I pleaded with my oldest son to not take the shot for one week of school to complete his licensing. She didn't take it. My mother was locked into long term care and my only access was window visits. Until they let her out for brief respites. She fractured her pelvis and was sent back from hospital twice and put into isolation for 10 days. She had dementia and was nearly blind. They screamed at her from outside her door every time she tried to get out of bed. She couldn't remember why she was in bed. They broke her. My 90 year old mom went from a being like a little squirrel running around with her walker, talking to everyone-a social butterfly- dressing and feeding herself and became wheelchair bound in 2 months. Barely raising her head, looking you in the eye or communicating with you. They kill one to save the others. You've given me incentive to write about this. I wrote recently about our own family. My husband asked me to pull it back. They so easily get offended and pull away and limit time with grandchildren. I just don't understand it. And I hear so many other parent's heartbreaking stories. I pray for us all. Much love and prayers! 💜
Rosemary, this broke our hearts. I read it to John. I can visualize all of this and your sweet little mama. We completely understand the teetering on the edge - but honest writing is freeing and there are so many people that suffered through these things and felt they never had to right to say it was wrong. I hope you write about what happened. Such terrible inhumane treatment. No one should have gone through that. I am sending much love your way and I do pray that your family will heal. Mine is healing and changing all at the same time. And some things seem to remain the same :( oxox
It’s 5:42 in the morning and I’m welling up. Your mind and sight to pen just fills me up! Let’s raise a glass, continue to love deeply and not be tempted to burn what is noble and excellent, down. Love you.
Brenda! oh my goodness! So very nice to hear from you. What a blessing you are here! Thank you so so much for this. Made my evening! Are you still in SoCal? I really hope all is well. Sending you a big hug. oxox
Dear Joan, thank you for reading it! I love watching new talent when I can and Monday evening, the 28th, on American Idol, was really special. Hopeful. That last song did me in and I was already done for! I hope this finds you doing okay. Healing is a long process. I just wish all the dogmatic people would begin to heal as well. ox
A very well written and thought provoking article, Debbie. Do we ever really heal completely? As in "forgive & forget". Do we ever really forget completely? I know I forgive completely but it seems impossible to forget things that affect the heart so deeply.
Thank you mama. I don’t think we ever truly heal. We go forward forgiving, living, but the memories will come and go. Some sweet, some very hard. It’s life. I don’t think we would be human if we didn’t feel some of the pangs of our hard experiences. At the same time we can rejoice that we made it through and grew. I love you so much. oxox
My sweet friend I understand this more than you know. My family has dysfunctional down to a science. I have always been the one that feels the need to lovingly (for a while) try and get someone to listen. My, is that a job! So I got ostracized it's only hard when I miss the closeness. With none family I am a little more sarcastic. My go to is "at my age life in prison is NOT a determent. ". They never sure how to take the crazy lady lol. But I couldn't tell you on Facebook messenger but I'll hijack the comment. You know I am the family genealogist? Well my maternal great grand father disappeared from Texas. His first wife died after giving birth to my grandfather. Great gpa married again and she was not nice to my grandfather. So they left and headed west. So great gpa was not successful in Texas, he ran a bar lol. So he was sick with tb. So I started looking in Arizona and California. Well he used his middle initial with his name. So as I dug looking for santioums. And surprise I found him. He became a dairy farmer with 70 head of cattle. But he died in 1918. And they both are buried in get this .. in El Centro, CA in imperial county along the Mexican border. So I am trying to plan a trip to sunny desert California. There are quite a bit of things to line up. My aunt lived in Yuma Az but she moved back to Texas. It would have been great if I discovered this back then. Anyway you know I love your writing and while I don't always comment I am here. Prayers and blessings on you and your love ones. oxoxox.
Dear Friend, that is incredible. You are so much like my BIL (John's brother in Dallas!). He is the family genealogist and has also done so much research and thorough work. He has worked on my family too!! It's amazing you found your Great Grandpa since he used his middle name! They did this a lot to disappear! And although we don't live near El Centro (we are three hours away) - I hope I'm around when you come - because you never know if we can meet up!
Thank you for all your love, kindness and support. Writing has truly been life-saving for me. A real blessing. I know you know and I know you have treasured family much like I have (and do). Love you Linda. (p.s. I'm so sorry I am a terrible FB person! I have a bit of ptsd about FB - but I know you know that too. oxox)
Love this so much. Thank you for your humanity.
I love your heart too dear friend. Thank you. ox
You're able to say difficult things in a way that I believe truly resembles your heart- you are compelled to speak Truth, but you will do it in a way that is not intentionally hurtful. Hurtful just to be hurtful. You have been the receiver of disrespect, have experienced it, and don't choose to give it back. You also don't hide away from it and pretend it's not there. I'm a people-pleaser at heart and it's so hard for me to approach conflict, but I believe as you do. I'll be thinking on this. <3
Dear Krissy, thank you. I began to write here at the direction of the Holy Spirit and it's been a real blessing and experience. I will often look back and not understand where things came from. I know you know. I read it in your work as well. I want to resonate with many - but mostly He wants this. I can very much relate to the people pleaser mode that I carried for a long time. Now I just want to please Him. Which, in turn, I believe has helped me approach hard situations with honesty and respect, not just for others, but for myself - which I've long needed. oxoxox
So heartbreaking Deb! I pray for continued healing for you and your family. It is a crazy, mixed up world at times and sometimes our actions hurt those we love (intentionally or unintentionally). Sending love your way!
It's everywhere it seems and sometimes it feels very sad. Being dogmatic is so divisive. I am sending you much love back Jenn. oxox
So true, and so sad. I hope we can find the common thread of humanity. Happy almost weekend!
Deborah, where do I start with this? My heart aches for you. And me. I pray for your family. There is nothing closer to the heart of a mother than keeping her family together. My family is divided by addiction. Separating from my daughter and her boyfriend because of fentanyl. And his being a product of other people's choices brought him to a place where my good Christian, church-going kids think that he is not worth their time of day. My son went to missionary school with the intention of traveling to a 3rd world country for 4 years to preach the gospel. I pleaded. Just come downtown and talk to this one guy with me. It's so messy. Some days I just want to lie down and cry.
The pandemic was another story. My DIL screamed at me to shut up when I pleaded with my oldest son to not take the shot for one week of school to complete his licensing. She didn't take it. My mother was locked into long term care and my only access was window visits. Until they let her out for brief respites. She fractured her pelvis and was sent back from hospital twice and put into isolation for 10 days. She had dementia and was nearly blind. They screamed at her from outside her door every time she tried to get out of bed. She couldn't remember why she was in bed. They broke her. My 90 year old mom went from a being like a little squirrel running around with her walker, talking to everyone-a social butterfly- dressing and feeding herself and became wheelchair bound in 2 months. Barely raising her head, looking you in the eye or communicating with you. They kill one to save the others. You've given me incentive to write about this. I wrote recently about our own family. My husband asked me to pull it back. They so easily get offended and pull away and limit time with grandchildren. I just don't understand it. And I hear so many other parent's heartbreaking stories. I pray for us all. Much love and prayers! 💜
Rosemary, this broke our hearts. I read it to John. I can visualize all of this and your sweet little mama. We completely understand the teetering on the edge - but honest writing is freeing and there are so many people that suffered through these things and felt they never had to right to say it was wrong. I hope you write about what happened. Such terrible inhumane treatment. No one should have gone through that. I am sending much love your way and I do pray that your family will heal. Mine is healing and changing all at the same time. And some things seem to remain the same :( oxox
And Idol! We got rid of our satellite TV to save money. My first season missing it!
It’s 5:42 in the morning and I’m welling up. Your mind and sight to pen just fills me up! Let’s raise a glass, continue to love deeply and not be tempted to burn what is noble and excellent, down. Love you.
Cheers to loving deeply and never torching our blessings. I love you friend. oxox
That moved me ❤
Love you brother. It's all so true. I know you know. oxox
My family is so dysfunctional right now
It's hard to hit that like button Suzanne. I am so sorry. Keep pushing back with beauty. oxox
Hi Deb,
It's been forever. ❤️ I just wanted to say that I truly enjoy reading your posts. Very uplifting and genuine.
Brenda Taylor (formally Trenda)
Brenda! oh my goodness! So very nice to hear from you. What a blessing you are here! Thank you so so much for this. Made my evening! Are you still in SoCal? I really hope all is well. Sending you a big hug. oxox
Thank you for this great post and introducing me to that YT clip. Just wow. I'll be listening to that a lot!
Dear Joan, thank you for reading it! I love watching new talent when I can and Monday evening, the 28th, on American Idol, was really special. Hopeful. That last song did me in and I was already done for! I hope this finds you doing okay. Healing is a long process. I just wish all the dogmatic people would begin to heal as well. ox
A very well written and thought provoking article, Debbie. Do we ever really heal completely? As in "forgive & forget". Do we ever really forget completely? I know I forgive completely but it seems impossible to forget things that affect the heart so deeply.
Thank you mama. I don’t think we ever truly heal. We go forward forgiving, living, but the memories will come and go. Some sweet, some very hard. It’s life. I don’t think we would be human if we didn’t feel some of the pangs of our hard experiences. At the same time we can rejoice that we made it through and grew. I love you so much. oxox
My sweet friend I understand this more than you know. My family has dysfunctional down to a science. I have always been the one that feels the need to lovingly (for a while) try and get someone to listen. My, is that a job! So I got ostracized it's only hard when I miss the closeness. With none family I am a little more sarcastic. My go to is "at my age life in prison is NOT a determent. ". They never sure how to take the crazy lady lol. But I couldn't tell you on Facebook messenger but I'll hijack the comment. You know I am the family genealogist? Well my maternal great grand father disappeared from Texas. His first wife died after giving birth to my grandfather. Great gpa married again and she was not nice to my grandfather. So they left and headed west. So great gpa was not successful in Texas, he ran a bar lol. So he was sick with tb. So I started looking in Arizona and California. Well he used his middle initial with his name. So as I dug looking for santioums. And surprise I found him. He became a dairy farmer with 70 head of cattle. But he died in 1918. And they both are buried in get this .. in El Centro, CA in imperial county along the Mexican border. So I am trying to plan a trip to sunny desert California. There are quite a bit of things to line up. My aunt lived in Yuma Az but she moved back to Texas. It would have been great if I discovered this back then. Anyway you know I love your writing and while I don't always comment I am here. Prayers and blessings on you and your love ones. oxoxox.
Dear Friend, that is incredible. You are so much like my BIL (John's brother in Dallas!). He is the family genealogist and has also done so much research and thorough work. He has worked on my family too!! It's amazing you found your Great Grandpa since he used his middle name! They did this a lot to disappear! And although we don't live near El Centro (we are three hours away) - I hope I'm around when you come - because you never know if we can meet up!
Thank you for all your love, kindness and support. Writing has truly been life-saving for me. A real blessing. I know you know and I know you have treasured family much like I have (and do). Love you Linda. (p.s. I'm so sorry I am a terrible FB person! I have a bit of ptsd about FB - but I know you know that too. oxox)
If I could, I would subscribe to your site again. Love
Joel
Dear Joel, you are so kind. Thank you. Sending you a huge hug. oxox
BEAUTIFULLY done, Deb! Very Impactful!
Thank you Bob. This means the world. I hope this finds you doing well. oxox