A Very Good Man

Walk into the Light today...

Mum and her brother on the train to London - Minolta Maxxum 9 - film 2006

As my dad lay in a hospice, in Albany, Oregon, on Christmas Eve 2020, my Dear Uncle would go by ambulance from Abridge, England, to a local hospital. He had a bad case of covid. I find it hard to capitalize the virus as it doesn’t deserve a formal title. My Uncle deserved a formal title: English Bobby, Underwater Diver for Scotland Yard, Authentic, Truth Seeker, Loving Dad, Amazing Husband and Certified Swim Teacher for Downs Syndrome Children for a large portion of his life. I will never forget observing one of his classes at the local swim center.

A Brother to my mum who grew up without him. Secrets and lies kept them apart for many years. Yet her brother was the one who would question everything. And find her. He would find “us.”

Mum, Uncle Brian and my brother Adam :)

This ties into one of my longest stories. "A War of Forgiveness."

As dad passed on New Year’s Day 2021 my Uncle was still critical. A few months after being admitted he had finally made it and was allowed to go home. Nothing was ever the same, as I wrote recently about five years ago. My Uncle’s memory would decline quickly.

This past Thursday, after several years of massive love and care, my Uncle Brian passed away, in a nursing home, with his beautiful wife and two of his three children by his side. Debbie said he looked up before he passed as if he knew where he was heading.

I see him with his great big closed mouth cheeky smile greeting my dad, beer in hand, ready to say cheers, then getting on with the business of heaven.

Which leads to my memories of him. Upon my uncle Brian’s first visit to the U.S. he arrived dressed like a cowboy, hat and all. I couldn’t have loved him more. He was giddy with the idea of being in America. The English Cowboy, we would call him.

Uncle would send birthday cards and Christmas cards that were more than special. Extra large cards, with “Niece” always imprinted on the cover. Every single year from the time he met us when I was a teenager. I didn’t return the favor for his birthday and I regret it deeply. Mum did all the correspondence catching up all the lost years. Our names were on every card she sent, until I was old enough to do it myself. I did send Christmas cards every year of my married life. Still do. Advice: Send a card through the mail with your handwriting. Give something to your loved ones to hold. I have held onto every card my Uncle sent.

When I was a young mum, pregnant with my second child, only 10 months after my first was born, my Uncle Brian came out for a visit and stayed with us. He noticed how uptight I was and took me aside one day to tell me very calmly and sweetly that when John walked in the door, battered and tired (as he still does), perhaps I could give him a chance to settle in. Stay quiet and let him rest. Maybe make him a cup of tea to ease the pain of his hard day. In so many words, my Uncle told me to love my husband. To be patient and kind. I will never, ever forget that moment. When my brother was struggling, he flew out to Vegas and sat with him.

Brother and Uncle in England - 1986

Our Uncle was perfectly imperfect. Later on in life he and I would share the severe pain of a terrible estrangement. Thankfully, his daughter recently received the spiritual gift of letting go by visiting her dad for the first time in many, many years. It might seem that they forgive us, but in the end, those that make the choice to walk away from family must also make the choice to come around and find a way to live with the unresolved quiet. I know, with all my heart, how much my Uncle unconditionally loved his three children and his grandchildren. He has left a beautiful legacy for those who truly knew him.

When I took mum home to England in 2006 Uncle Brian would take us to a local church and speak of his faith. He would later present me with the most beautiful and special Bible. My Uncle could be a mysterious man who had many friends in various places throughout the world. We often thought of Uncle as a sort of Superman. His best friend was a top master of the Spiritual world. He often spoke of his friend’s guidance in his life, without revealing too much.

I always looked at my Uncle as a courageous and brave man. Hence his profession. He was an honest man, who pursued truth. Without him my mum might never have known her family. He was also honest enough with himself to know that love was everything. If you didn’t have love, then you must find it and retain it for the rest of your life. Debbie was the love of his life and without her love our entire family would not be as blessed as it is. Thank you for being the glue Debs. We all adore you.

We might sit on the edge of the world longing for our family but in our hearts we know their love.

The love of a very good man.

Walk into the Light…

and love on someone today.

Goodbye Uncle.

Thank you for finding us.

For loving us.

We love you. ox

When dad was in hospice and Uncle was in hospital I stole this picture. A treasured look at my Uncle Brian in perfect swim form, just as in Heaven.

Siblings :) - 2006

This is how I will remember you at the very best family party in your garden. And taking us all over England to visit family and see the sights.

Uncle Brian, Debs and cousin Jack :)

Just so happened the boy in front (black t-shirt, white sleeves), our oldest son, Max, was in England with college friends at the same time mum and I were. That boy got to ride on a police boat down the River Thames as a baby, with Uncle Brian. John and I will never forget that special trip in 1988.

✨ RIP Uncle Brian ✨

May 4th 1945 - March 13th 2025