“Look up on the wall, there on the floor
Under the pillow, behind the door
There's a crack in the mirror
Somewhere there's a hole in a window pane
Do you think I'm to blame?
Tell me, do you think I'm to blame?”
- Genesis | written by Tony Banks, Phil Collins, and Mike Rutherford
"Abacabb" refers to a few things: a cheat code in the Sega Genesis version of Mortal Kombat, the title of a Genesis album, and a term used by the band to describe the song's structure. The cheat code, "A-B-A-C-A-B-B", was used to enable blood and fatalities in the game, and was inspired by the Genesis song of the same name.
Yesterday, Thursday, was a weird day. It felt like all that my heart was mourning for, praying about, was being sucked out of my core, twisted and tossed by the dark force of this world. I probably should know better when I am in a deep place. The tiger is always crouching. And the word “always,” I learned in counseling years ago, was a no- no word, along with “never.” If you put “you” in front.
There is always hope and never a dull moment for instance.
Yet, the tiger is always crouching. Which means we should go about our days reaching for something better, doing better, while staying aware (not paranoid) that cats always pounce on their prey from behind. Darkness can come quickly and it’s how we deal with it that counts. It’s when we’re in our most positive, or even grief-filled state, that we can be completely taken off-guard. As dad used to say, in his British accent, “always have eyes in the back of your head.” I wrote about dadisms here.
Waiting all day to go out is often my thing, because I honestly don’t like driving here in Southern California. Within minutes you can be like those people on Instagram whose large accounts are about nothing more than staring with blank faces at all the crazy and weird things happening out there.
Driving in SoCal is death defying on most days. I am especially, defensively ramped up for the freeways.
Which leads me to the Petsmart shopping center. A place I will admit I never go to due to finding Chewy, online, more affordable (especially with prescription dog food). It’s also thee worst shopping center where people speed along the perimeters, daring other drivers to jump in. You will be tailgated as you wait for a pedestrian to cross. “Just run them over!!!” the hunk of metal screams.
I needed tick medicine for our dogs asap. We just found out that our oldest, who recently moved to Northern California, is living among ticks. His dogs were loaded this week. GREAT. We are passing through on our road trip to Oregon. So, along with cat litter and a small bag of dog food, I was in it for the bucks again.
A very nice lady who I had already heard down every aisle (I like to exagerate) was telling shoppers if they had the “app” they could get “20% off today!”
Ready to check out with a deal — 30 minutes later my “app” still wouldn’t load, including a trip outside to hold my phone in the air. Come to find out at the counter, when I gave up and was about to pull the “I’m too old for this under my breath I’m feeling really ticked right now (no “Gunn-punn” intended) my VERIZON doesn’t work for the Petsmart app (said nice lady). My face with the giant red bug bite on it said it all as the efficient lady whispered, pointing to her screen, “you have the app and will get 20% off” — wink — And I, in turn, held my hitchhiking thumb out, pointing to the old like me guy behind me begging “come on!” to his Petsmart app — winking right back at her.
We both got the deal minus the app.
I left the store thinking, for the millionth time, how can any of us survive this ridiculousness, especially our elderly. Just give us a flat price and stop with the games. Do you know entire cities are strictly using “parking apps” to park. If you have opted out of this nonsense — good luck! I hope you live in a 20th Century city.
The whole vision of an elderly person being pushed over a cliff is becoming more and more real.
Preoccupied, I pull out of the worst parking lot only to look both ways on the east/west running perimeter. Behind a large bush to my right a young girl suddenly darted out of her parking spot and guess who she hit? — and guess who I hit? A simultaneous incident, as a woman came running out of a store yelling “are you okay? this always happens because of that bush!” I was able to slam my brakes enough that the damage was ugly minor scrapes (so much for the tree that fell on my car a few years ago and the body shop that fixed the entire car full of scratches). I parked, went over to the young girl in her already beaten up car and said, “are you okay? what do you want to do?" She said very slowly, “well my car is already messed up and I don’t have insurance.” And she’s driving? I thought (and for other reasons I won’t mention). The woman stayed with her.
Driving away, heart pounding, yet grateful it wasn’t worse, thinking we truly are a bumper-car state and insurance no longer matters due to a litany of reasons — I realized I had let my guard down.
Distractions, noise — it’s by design. God does not create chaos. The devil does. And the tiger waits.
And the song — appropriately titled ABACAB was playing as I drove home. I noted it. “Known for it’s aggressive driving (Gunn-punn for sure) rhythm,” — the cheat codes of earth’s realms — are in full force.
Staying home today.
Perhaps California should change it’s name to Mortal Kombat.
TGIF. I think.
Staying in community:
Deb, You just gave the most valid testimony as to why you should be convincing the family and yourself to re-locate.to the sublime pastures of Oregon.
I’m struggling to find you on here these days, it’s frustrating! I love that Abacab song, I saw him perform it live a long time ago. I have a letter from Phil Collin’s somewhere, handwritten, apologizing for not having time to afford me an interview. Lovely man! Sounds like I would not like to drive in your area either… Glad I found you tonight❤️🙏