SKUNKED

Who let the dogs out?

Pepe’ Le Pew

Life is what we write.

How about the midnight dog pee?

After six years living in our home our hound dog, Beatrice, cornered Pepe’.

We all got skunked.

Except Jack.

For some reason corgis must have magical fur. Thankfully, Jack was on the opposite patio to Beatrice, who took off like a lightening bolt, finally free to chase our late night visitor, satisfying her determination to go up trees and eat squirrels on our walks.

She barked up the wrong tree.

Jack, the annoying late-night stargazer, on the other hand, is thee only thing inside our entire house that does not smell like pewpee. I have been smelling him, like a weirdo, all morning long, thanking him profusely for his unhurried admiration of the earth.

He is my oxygen presently.

Thankfully, as John was letting Bea into our kitchen, asking me if she might smell? “why yes, my nose is smoldering, are you freaking kidding me? OUT OUT OUT OUT!!!… get the gate up, she can’t go anywhere but OUT and then she can’t leave the kitchen…. blah blah blah taking off my shirt, digging through rags for an old tee, tying my hair up, googling, pulling a scientific concoction of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and baby shampoo out (thank God we are grandparents).

I was cursed with a light form of Hyperosmia - and John can’t smell a thing.

…and why is it that the kitchen, the place you prep food, is the one place you don’t mind a dog living in? pooping in? throwing up in? and carrying a skunk odor in?

I can tell you it doesn’t matter where a dog, that’s been skunked and washed twice, goes in your house. And when said dog decides she will bark until she can come in the bedroom and skunk that up? she wins.

There is always a silver lining despite the delirium of nose-burning-no-sleep.

Bea is a hound dog and her fur is very short. That’s the silver lining. You can wash her in five minutes. I do it myself. Jack, on the other hand has dense fur and needs de-furring. Being a lowrider he picks up grass, dirt, cat hair, and bug friends all day long. I decided that Bea needed professional grooming with Jack last week (yep $$$), as her back-end (gross) needed help. I can honestly say that particular odor makes me want to pass out, my repetitive question to John being, “do you smell that? omg. omg. Jack!! stop humping her - you’re OLD and neutered!” His answer, “I don’t smell it.”

Skunk odor, on the other hand, has left me 100% nauseated. Pleeease bring back the back-end discharge in trade for Pepe’s foul pew? please?

In other news this week, I went out with a girlfriend to a local hang that used to cost $20 bucks + tip for a drink and a sandwich. We “split” the bill at $67 “each” (w/tip). <insert stun-eyed-remembering-four-years-ago-emoji>.

Meanwhile, John was cleaning up a very big pile of broken concrete from a recent front-door porch remodel. He looked like he was going to pass out, sweat pouring down his face, as I drove off for my “fun.” When finished, he couldn’t get the front end of his truck completely off the sidewalk with the heavy trailer behind it, and of course the baseball parents were parked on the street, some edging into our driveway (we love them - hence the bigger front porch to watch the Americana across the street on the school field).

He was too exhausted to re-park the truck later. I found him sound asleep when I got home.

Our lovely city fined us $100.

I payed to play and he paid to do the right thing…. that not many people in our city do.

We got SKUNKED :)

<insert big cheesy smile>

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

P.S. During my restless evening I wondered, did God know that dogs would chase skunks and porcupines? Is that why He made them to have poisonous weapons of scent and dagger? Why didn’t he give the squirrel super karate kick powers? Does God really love dogs? God spelled backwards? So many questions…