Blues Pt. 2

Suddenly everyone is toxic...

“Some of them been hard on me
Some of them tore me up deep inside
Some of them were good to me, mmm
Some of them never even tried”

On the topic of music and feelings…. for the first approximately 2:25 minutes of this song, I must be patient. It’s a bit grinding, as I hear the organ playing a ghouly entry into 9.29 minutes of a blues, jazz, rock journey lament that would make Miles Davis, Buddy Rich and Jaco smile.

Definitely worthy of hanging in there and not giving up.

We live in times where so many people are desperate to be seen leaving many crying the blues in isolation. Which is weird because we’re trying to be seen while alone behind a screen. Normal interaction is shut down from algorithms, weighing against effort. The word “algorithm,” itself sounds ghouly - (a word I think I made up?) “I’m coming for you. You’ll never be seen. mauahaha. But what If I sing and dance? what then? Will you see me?” It’s hard to watch. Even harder to be part of it anymore.

The human condition. The need to feel loved, admired, respected. How mind-washed have we become and disinterested, in not only others, but in all forms of convenient communication, if only to use it to make others aware of what we are doing, our opinions and our own needs? Have we become Artificial Intelligence Soldiers only programmed for one outcome? The outcome of self-interest. Bored with everything but ourselves? Reverence for human faces, pets, art, music and photography reduced to a half-a-second fast forward swipe. Everyone has something important to tell us and it has driven a social media Game of Thrones environment where the Algorithm chooses Kings and Queens dependent on who has it, who wants it and how they plan to get it.

A follow. An unfollow.

It’s almost impossible not to buy into this form of mental torture… or get caught in its trap, and perhaps it’s in this trap that we are also seeing a 180 degree shift in using no form of communication whatsoever. People are staring or not using it at all and living quietly without it. For many of us, in an older generation, this is just a feeling of complete loss.

There seems to be no middle ground.

As quoted in a recent article in The Atlantic, titled “That’s It. You’re Dead To Me. Suddenly Everyone is Toxic” - - Two decades ago, Robert D. Putnam lamented the breakdown of social ties in Bowling Alone. “Americans, pressed for time and money, were abandoning their bridge clubs, bowling leagues, and broader community obligations. Putnam diagnosed a generational posture toward society, but what’s going on now is different: a generational mutation in the philosophy of interpersonal relationships. It’s more intimate, and maybe more distressing.”

It feels distressingly left behind forever.

The article goes onto say: “Maybe young people have been inspired by the impermanence and infinite choice baked into online dating and social media. Maybe our brains have been pickled in wellness culture and “self-care” rhetoric, which stress the need to privilege our own well-being above all else.”

Listening to social media influencers and social media Peanuts Therapy, has, in fact, been easier, and much faster than reading a careful, well thought-out professional book about relationships or paying a non-bias professional to help make you a better person.

What if you don’t like what you hear?

The article does go on to talk about a few authors I have read regarding family estrangement, one saying in 2020, that 67 million Americans were estranged from a family member. That was 20% of our country at the beginning of a pandemic and political cancel culture which further divided people. Now an epidemic. A mutation.

Some of the dearest, kindest people I know personally, have been labeled “toxic.” Rejected parents, struggling families, siblings not speaking, etc., that are trying to come to terms with what could have gone so deeply wrong. This is not new and doesn’t necessarily come directly from screen influence. You don’t have to use a screen to be influenced.

Influence is old-fashioned.

The article, I refer to, opens with two roommates arguing over an artist’s record albums, and which one was better? The writer, the other roomie wanted it to stop. Her exact words: “This conversation is dumb, and I don’t want to keep having it.” She knew it sounded rude but they were really amp’d up. From that point on the roommate avoided all contact, called her toxic and was passive-aggressive.

If you didn’t get the right answer, or someone wasn’t “on your side.,” or you think someone let you down? or you forgot to wish them a Happy Hallmark Holiday one year? or maybe you craved a little more time with your family (ask David and Victoria Beckham how their summer went)…. If these things are viewed as toxic behavior? then everything and everyone is toxic.

In the end, if you are dealing with reasonable people, you can and you will work it out.

But what about the state of our trained impatience and self-preservation? and what and who is the toxic one?

Crying “toxic” is like crying wolf at this point. It’s like saying “I’m suffering” because my air conditioning broke in my car? Suffering is also a big word.

The mutual benefit of the “traditional” average family with its struggles, responsibilities, hard times and blessings was that you would never be alone, yet the average age of being alone in America is now 60 and older. One in four is alone in our country., a little higher than the estrangement percentage. I just discovered that two older people in my neighborhood died alone in their homes during the pandemic. Two of my relatives in England died alone in their homes in recent years. I used to believe that family was everything., after all it’s a popular hashtag. I’ve seen the rich history of my own family in England pull together through so much pain and strife., but I’ve seen the complete devastation and ill-health of estrangement as well. I walk alongside of it feeling equal pain and worry that I will not remember the stories of my life. This is why I’m writing. I believe the sheer physical and emotional agony of estrangement has zapped my once very good memory for details and names.

I’d like to think that the mass admiration and effort it took to honor of The Queen is a collective sign that the human race truly does reach for genuine goodness vs. power, kindness vs. cruelty, wisdom vs. knowledge and love vs. pride. Look at her family? Her last few years were fraught with family separation from a grandson, accusations of toxicity, her grandsons not speaking, a real toxic embarrassment and shame from a womanizing son, and the loss of her dear lifelong partner. Maybe her heart was broken too and she became tired. I had hoped she’d celebrate 100. Yet Jesus said it was time to go. She had put Him above it all. A clue to good living. 70 years of mothering the world and her family was enough. According to AP sources, one out of two people on our planet watched her funeral in some capacity and we all saw the anguish on the faces of those who made their choices.

As for me I will keep the music nearby, joyfully dance to the best of my ability, and sing the blues loudly when I’m struggling. Pretty harmless.

I will never buy into labels and generalizations that contribute to the ruination of good and decent people. Like the writer said, “it’s dumb.”

Play it loud and scream if you must… it’s blood, sweat and tears.

Next up: I need to get back to some old house or something…